The School of Say Anything…
I don’t know much but …
If romantic comedies have taught America anything, it’s that with the right amount of perseverance and patience, one’s true love is right around the corner – and probably in the shape of a hooker with a heart of gold. If Cameron Crowe’s directorial debut, Say Anything… has taught us anything, it’s that even movie superstars were once baby-faced actors.
In Say Anything… John Cusack stars as Lloyd Dobler, a recent high school graduate who finds himself in love with Diane Court (Ione Skye). Like any great work of fiction, there’s much truth to be gleaned from Crowe’s movie.
For the convenience of my lovelorn readers, an in-depth study of the film has been conducted and four essential life lessons have been gleamed.
4.) Kickboxing is the sport of the future
Throughout the film, Lloyd Dobler is constantly hyping the then up-and-coming sport of “kickboxing.” Filmed in 1989, Say Anything… succeeded where Teen Wolf Too failed in making kickboxing look cool. After watching the film, I was instantly motivated to go to the closest gym and train to be a kickboxer. Then I remembered that learning a sport is hard — especially ones in which I would be kicking people in the face. Instead, I’m now preparing to enter the competitive world of Paper, Rock, Scissors. Hopefully my second choice sport will turn out to be just as potent a chick magnet.
3.) Crime never pays
In a plot device Shakespeare would be proud of, Diane’s doddering father thwarts his daughter’s attempts at a relationship with Lloyd. Although Diane’s father only had the best intentions for his daughter, in the end it didn’t matter because it’s revealed he was a lying criminal who stole from the elderly. Any good intentions parents may have can be instantly dismissed when their closet contains a few skeletons. For anybody who’s attempts to date are hampered by their love’s folks, don’t be afraid to do a little background snooping. With the right investigative work, any in-law can be effectively and safely contained behind bars. There will be plenty of time to win your lovers’ parents over during visiting hours.
2.) Use your imagination
When her father’s disapproval becomes more than Diane can bear, she breaks down and dumps Lloyd. In an effort to give Lloyd a romantic gift that will leave him with a good impression of her, Diane presents him with a pen. A pen! Her justification? So Lloyd can write her. Now that, my friends, is some creative thinking right there. Instead of spending a ton of money in order to leave a solid lasting impression, all one has to do is present unwanted lovers with a household object — so long as you can justify its significance. I once gave a girl an egg for Valentine’s. I said it was so she could make me breakfast. All I got was a slap. I don’t know why — I meant it from the heart.
1.) Music tamed the savage breast
After being dumped, Lloyd goes from denial to anger to sorrow faster then a bi-polar hummingbird. Eventually Lloyd resorts to the one sure-fire way of winning back a true love’s heart: Peter Gabriel. Standing outside her window, Lloyd holds up his boom box and blares the Gabes for the entire world to hear. Diane, not able to resist the power of Pete, breaks down her icy exterior and succumbs to Lloyd’s charm and wit. Once, during college, I tried to utilize the patented “boom box under the window” method myself. I stood outside a dorm window and after a few minutes of blaring the equally powerful ballads of Bryan Adams, I realized I was at the wrong dorm. It turns out I won the heart of Jimbo, a Corps of Cadets freshman. I had to politely decline his advances so I gave him a pen. So that he could write.
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