Horror Movies That Time Forgot
Here are some cult classic horror films worth checking out.
Watching a modern horror film is a lot like fighting a swarm of giant mosquitoes (or Mansquitos). It sucks.
With too much time spent on creating needlessly gory violence and not enough effort taken to create characters audiences can actually care about, watching a horror film in theaters is more often then not as morally bankrupt an act as the band Creed doing a reunion tour.
Do not despair though; what follows is a list of forgotten horror films that are high in quality and won’t skimp on the scares.
Play Misty For Me
Plot: Before Clint Eastwood was winning Oscars for his directing, he made his directorial debut in this 1971 film that serves as a precursor to modern-day slasher films. Eastwood stars as Dave Garver, a jazz radio DJ who finds himself stalked by Evelyn, an obsessive fan played by Jessica Walter. What begins as frequent requests from a seductive voice asking Garver to play the song Misty soon becomes a casual affair between two consenting adults.
However, when Garver decides to end his relationship with Evelyn and return to his longtime girlfriend, things turn ugly.
How ugly?
Try stalking, knife wielding and threatening phone calls for starters. But if there’s one thing that moviegoers have learned, it’s not to mess with Eastwood. In a departure from his trademark machismo, Eastwood plays a sensitive man … who just happens to treat a woman like dirt.
But like the most expensive vacuum cleaner, Eastwood is sure to clean up his mess afterwards.
Life Lesson: When faced with an obsessive stalker, delicacy is of prime importance. Avoid unnecessary making crazies crazier with a misspoken statement. If worse comes to worst though, just throw them off a cliff.
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Near Dark
Plot: In the 1987 cult classic, Caleb Colton (Adrian Pasdar) is a simple country boy content with working the farm with his family. When a dusty RV pulls into his small mid-Western town and Mae (Jenny Wright), a dazzling beauty, walks into his life, he finds himself drawn into a bit of a pickle.
The problem lies in the fact that Mae is a vampire, traveling the country with her clan of fellow redneck nosferatu. When Caleb becomes a reluctant convert to the nightlife, he must partake in a bloody initiation process in order to get in his new family’s good graces.
Lance Henriksen and Bill Paxton co-star as good ol’ boy vampires in search of a good time and blood to spill. The film’s memorable make-up and prosthetic work is still a treat to look at 18 years later.
Life Lesson: If joining an organization where the initiation process involves eating someone, seriously rethink your motivations for wanting to join such a group. Is this really going to look good on your resume?
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The Gate
Plot: Also released in 1987, The Gate is the heartwarming tale of sibling love in the face of giant worm demons. A young Stephen Dorff plays Glen, an impressionable child who finds himself at odds with his sister Al, played by Christa Denton.
After an old tree is removed from their backyard, a mysterious hole appears. It is only after playing heavy metal music backwards, though, that the forces of hell begin to pop their ugly heads up from the hole and wreck havoc on the family’s night.
From dead parents to tiny demon smurfs, the two siblings face an assortment of ghoulish surprises and events sure to traumatize the most callused of kids. The miniatures work used to bring hell’s denizens to life is impressive to say the least. More impressive is that this film isn’t more popular among monster movie enthusiasts.
Life Lesson: If confronted by impossible odds, and by impossible odds I mean Satan himself has popped out from under your floorboards and is looking to eat you, shoot a rocket of love at it. Either he will become frightened by the pure emotion contained in said rocket and go away or he’ll eat you. Either way, you’ll have made your move and not died like a pansy.
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Waxwork
Plot: In 1988 Anthony Hickcox wrote and directed Waxwork, a tongue-in-cheek revival of classic horror films. Zach Galligan stars as Mark Loftmore, a rich teenage yuppie who, along with his gang of high school pals, visits a creepy wax museum run by a curator with a penchant for dressing like Willy Wonka.
Inside the museum exists a collection of horrifying wax figures modeled after every monster known to man.
From Dracula to the Marques de Sade, the exhibits call unto them each of the visiting students and one by one transports them into the past where the students must face the monster in the flesh.
Graphic effects and an intriguing plot make this forgotten flick a real find.
John Rhys-Davies makes a cameo as a woodsman with the unfortunate habit of turning into a werewolf.
Life Lesson: Never trust a creepy eccentric man dressed in colorful clothing that invites you to visit his home late at night. Trust me; that kind of invitation never leads to anything good.
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