On the Road Again
Tips for traveling the open road — courtesy of Hollywood.
Spring is over; nothing but a bug splatter in the windshield that is memory. Don’t cry about the end of the season, though. The fact is, now is precisely the time to prepare for this summer’s car trip.
Be it spent with family on a quest for touristy goodness or in the company of your closest friends in search of hedonistic pleasures, the summer road trip is not an event to undertake unprepared. Many weeks of careful planning should go into proper research. When deciding how to best chart a memorable road trip, might I suggest viewing these films that time forgot:
Finding Graceland – 1998
Tagline: “Even a king needs a lift now and then.”
Who’s the rambling man?: Johnathon Schaech
What’s it about: Bryon (Schaech) is not having a good life. Mourning the loss of his wife, he travels the countryside in his Cadillac, still totaled from the accident that took his lover’s life. Bryon is on a road trip to nowhere when he picks up a hitchhiker (Harvey Keitel) claiming to be the king of rock and roll, Elvis Priestly.
Together, the two embark on the full gamut of road trip experiences including loose women, celebrity impersonators and riveting musical numbers – all in the process of helping Bryon find some meaning in his directionless life.
Road trip tip: When embarking on a road trip, make sure you pick up a hitchhiker who bares a strong resemblance to a popular culture icon.
Be it Elvis, Jim Morrison, John Lennon or Jesus, these men of the road will be useful tools in spouting off greeting card philosophy and providing you with a way to realize the “real you.” That, or they’ll kill you and take your money.
Should you Watch It: Finding Graceland is one of those movies that almost chokes itself in overt sentimentality yet still retains the endearing qualities of a feel-good film. Despite being steeped in clichés and over the top melodrama, the film remains a positively uplifting character study of two men who help each other on the road to life reaffirmation.
Thanks in part to the cast’s magnificent performances and the excellent story pacing, the film should manage to win over even the hardest of he-men. If the thought of a man reconciling with his wife’s death and rediscovering love in the form of a Marylyn Monroe impersonator sounds like a charming picture with a big heart, welcome to the land of cliché — where, if done with good intentions, not everything has to be garbage.
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Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure – 1985
Tagline: “The story of a rebel and his bike.”
Who’s the rambling man?: Paul Reubens.
What’s it about: Pee-Wee Herman (Paul Reubens) has just lost his best friend in the world, his bicycle. After the bike is stolen from him, Pee-Wee is driven to the brink of insanity. When he receives a tip that the bike resides in the basement of the Alamo, Pee-Wee embarks on a cross-country road-trip in a desperate bid to retrieve his beloved cycle. Along the way, he encounters a collection of crazy characters including Large Marge, the ghost trucker; Simone, a waitress with wanderlust and the whole of the Warner Brothers production lot.
Road Trip Tip: A little creativity can get you out of the worst of situations.
If you discover yourself in a bar filled with angry bikers, entertain them with a rousing dance performance. For maximum effect, don high-healed boots and fancy-step your way into the hearts of these rough and tumble men. With the right moves and attitude, the biker gang will have no choice but to accept you as a member of their gang. In fact, everybody will have a turn welcoming you into the gang in their own special way.
Should you Watch It: Yes, it’s true. Paul Reubens, the brain behind Pee-Wee Herman, was charged with public indecency and found with some pretty kinky pornography. Too often, the comedic genius of Reuben’s madcap man-child character is lost beneath the flurry of scandal related humor. Instead of focusing on the gleeful childlike nature of Pee-Wee Herman’s silliness, lesser writers make lame jokes about Reuben’s private life. Well, now that we have the scandal out of the way, it’s time to talk about a film that will touch the inner child in everyone. With a healthy dose of comedic timing and quotable lines, Pee-Wee Herman’s Big Adventure is exxxciting family fun. So put down that copy of Naughty Nurse Nancy and check out the Paul Reubens’ epitome of road-traveling riotous laughter.
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Freeway – 1996
Who’s the rambling woman: Reese Witherspoon
What’s it about: In this modern day retelling of Little Red Riding Hood, Vanessa Lutz (Witherspoon) is a white trash, illiterate 15-year old. After her parents are arrested, Vanessa decides to visit her dear old grandmother’s trailer park to move in with her.
While driving down the interstate, Vanessa’s car breaks down and she accepts a ride from Bob Wolverton (Kiefer Sutherland), a counselor at a school for boys. After gaining her trust, Wolverton begins a slow mental attack on Vanessa’s impressionable mind. Soon, Vanessa discovers that Wolverton is the “I-5 Killer” that has been preying on young girls and must escape the sociopath creep’s warped mind games.
Road Trip Tip: Never accept a ride from Kiefer Sutherland. Despite his charm and handsome good lucks, Sutherland will bring you nothing but bad news. When he’s not terrorizing Reese Witherspoon, he’s waving a switchblade at River Phoenix, sucking Jason Patric’s blood or taking target practice at Collin Farrell. Even if he gives you the “I’m a Counter Terrorist Officer” line, within twenty-four hours of hooking up with him he’ll probably have you fighting mountain lions or contracting radiation poising.
Should you Watch It: Freeway is a reminder that fairy tales aren’t all charming princes and glass slippers. Much like the original translations of Little Red Riding Hood were extreme showcases of graphic cruelty, Freeway is an extreme showcase of life’s little horrors. Instead of a wide-toothed wolf, Vanessa must battle a mentally disturbed individual and the US judicial system.
Despite plugging multiple bullets into Wolverton’s body, the I-5 killer survives and is painted the helpless victim of an inner city kid’s reckless rampage. While Wolverton begins his civil lawsuit case, Vanessa is sent to jail to await trial. Life isn’t always fair and Freeway is a stark reminder of the paradoxical nature of social economic profiling. Plus, there’s lots of lurid violence and sexual dialogue.
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