Thug Life
Please, for the love of all that is holy, stop sending me Mafia Wars requests.
By the amount of requests I receive every day on Facebook to join my friends’ virtual “Mafia Wars” campaigns, I’m acquainted with quite a few budding criminals. To my pals waging online block wars with their pixilated tommy guns, I offer a suggestion: between virtual missions, don’t forget to take a break from video gaming.
Before anybody accuses me of promoting outside excursions, I want to define my definition of “taking a break.” I’m not calling for a walk through the park or any interaction with “real girls”; I’m just advising you to put down your controller before you develop finger calluses so thick your hands look like a hobbit’s foot. How do I recommend you take your non-bathroom related breaks?
Pop in a movie and bone up on your criminal knowledge.
Besides actually robbing a local liquor store or listening to a 50 Cent album, how else are you supposed to improve your thug skillz? There are no 12-sided dice that will increase your criminal mastery like it developed your usage of arcane magic.
If there’s one thing I’ve gleamed from life, it’s that anything worth learning can be learned from movies — and that includes petty crime. For example, you can rate the trustworthiness of your heist partners by their level of attractiveness. If you’re working with criminals that look like Brad Pitt or George Clooney, you’re bound to be part of a caper that will be as daring as it is delightful.
If your fellow thief looks like Steve Buscemi, he’s going to take the diamonds and shoot you in the gut.
Another helpful tip is to treat the hostage selection process like you’re picking your future wife — because chances are that during the getaway to Mexico, you and your hostage will fall in love. Wouldn’t you rather have a romance blossom with a hostage that looks like Kim Basinger then one that looks like Kathy Bates?
So in between sending me all those undesired Mafia Wars requests, don’t forget to pick up a few crime movies that can help you become a better virtual delinquent. But don’t take too long picking your movies; those digital cars aren’t going to steal themselves.
Am interested in growing my Mafia and joining others Mafia on Facebook. Find me in Mafia under Don Hoss or Facebook under Jason Hollihan
Apparently writing a post where I specifically ask my friends to stop sending me “Mafia Wars” related junk on Facebook equals me granting a douchenozzle permission to post that same spam on the blog.
Thanks for reading!
Love,
Robert