The Carrying On of A Wayward Son

During my time in college, I worked at a local video store in order to pick up some extra spending cash.

Oh, Aslyum Studios. You rascally rabbits you.

Being a huge movie buff, I loved my part-time job. From heated debates with co-workers and customers about the finer points of film trivia to being able to take an early glimpse at what new releases we would be stocking the walls with every Tuesday, my job was full of perks.

Not everything was sunshine and flowers, though. There were, of course, the stupid customers.

There were the people who demanded a refund on “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” because they did not realize how inappropriate the film would be for their four-year-old — despite the words “Texas,” “Chainsaw” and “Massacre” in the title. There were people who tried to return foreign films because they “didn’t want none of that reading” in their movie. And, worst of all, there were the people who didn’t bother to read the back of the box for the movie they were buying before they bought it.

I once had a thirty-minute argument with a customer who was surprised that the copy of “The Bridge to Terabithia” she had rented was the 1985 version and not the 2007 version that was at that time currently playing in theaters. To make matters worse, she was upset that while the video box had pictures of fairies and goblins, the actual movie was “really boring.” Needless to say, she did not get her refund.

This was not an isolated experience either. Customers were constantly being fooled by movies. Whether it was renting “Snakes on a Train” instead of “Snakes on a Plane” or “The Da Vinci Treasure” instead of “The Da Vinci Code,” deceptive packaging and a timely appropriation of a famous name tricked many a customer into renting a substandard film.

I used to mock the customers foolish enough to rent a cheesy direct-to-video version of “The Black Dahlia” instead of the Brian De Palma film scheduled to be released that summer. Surely customers couldn’t possibly think that they had somehow found the only video store in the world that carried major Hollywood movies before they were released in theaters.

I have realized, though, that it’s not the customer’s fault. It’s the fault of the slimy video companies who like to make a quick buck through bait and switch.

Through the use of these so-called “Mockbusters,” films made with a low budget and created with the sole-intention of riding the coattails of a summer blockbuster film, studios are all to keen to make a quick buck off of somebody else’s misfortune. One studio alone, The Asylum, has been responsible for such cinematic rip-offs as “AVH: Alien vs. Hunter,” “Transmorphers,” “I Am Omega,” “Sunday School Muscial,” “The Day The Earth Stopped” and so many more.
So how can customers protect themselves against renting “Pirates of Treasure Island” when they really meant to rent “Pirates of the Caribbean” or from buying “When a Killer Calls” when they had intended to purchase “When a Stranger Calls”?

It’s tricky sometimes. These Mockbuster studios are notorious for releasing their films with box art derivative of famous movie posters. The key is always to read the back of the box. Always.

If, for some reason, you are still unsure if you are holding the right movie in your hands, feel free to ask one of the store employees. Once they finish laughing at you, they will be more then happy to help you find the right movie.