Say cheese!
I’ve been told that I don’t smile enough.
I wish I was an emoticon.
As a teenager, I was even scored lower in a summer job review because of the fact that I wore a frown more often then a grin.
My aversion towards saying “cheese” is not intentional, though. I do not choose to go through life with a furrowed brow and a grimace. That’s just the way my face naturally rests. Unless I am actively commanding myself to smile or grin, my mouth instinctively turns downward and my expression hardens. It’s an autonomic behavior that more often then not leaves me looking like a man with the weight of the world on his shoulders.
Atlas, though, I am not.
While I struggled with my fair share of depression in my youth — and what teenager doesn’t? — I currently consider myself a pretty happy guy. When I’m not getting into car accidents, living in rat hole apartments or having hallucinatory headaches, that is.
My job is good. I have some solid friendships. My relationship with my family is top-notch. Throw in some good tunes and I’m practically beaming with contentment — on the inside. On the outside, I look like I’m about to mug somebody.
I really do try to throw on a smile every now and then. As I go through the day, I’ll periodically remind myself to grin at the world —creeping out, perhaps, the people around me with an out-of-nowhere smirk.
They say it takes more muscles to frown then it does to smile but, for me, it takes less work. If my mind is racing and I have enough items on my plate, I’ll forget to remind myself that it’s smile time and soon enough I’ll go back to my natural worried expression.
I think my reflex-induced frowning can be traced back to high school.
As part of an effort to impress my classmates, I sought to create and nurture a persona for myself. Since I was not the athletic one or the smart one, I thought I would try my hand at being the deep one.
I bought some black t-shirts (not enough to look like one of those lame goth kids, though — even I had my standards) and I spent my days in the classroom looking pensive and remorseful – as if I were covering up some dark and secret past.
Instead of becoming my school’s version of a “Twilight” vampire, though, I found myself adopting my own made-up persona a bit too well.
Soon, my attempts to affect a depressed, sullen persona actually led to me becoming a depressed, sullen teenager. The bright and chipper Robert that had scampered through the halls of junior high was replaced by the mope who hung his head while shuffling through the halls of high school. I was such a dork.
Unfortunately, I didn’t put any stock into the old wives’ tale about making faces. Unfortunate because now, even as a reasonably well-adjusted adult, I find myself still slipping into the facial patterns of a teenage goth-lite douche bag.
If it takes work to smile, though, I’m willing to put in the effort just so I don’t catch myself in the mirror and become reminded of what a pitty-party I used to be in high school.
I’ll plaster on a Chesire Cat grin, throw some sparkles in my eyes and walk around looking like I escaped a television Christmas special if it means separating who I’ve become from who I used to be.
You are so right, it doesn’t take much to become the persona you’ve exuded for so long. But you’re certainly not the only one. God knows I did the same thing, as did many of my friends.
Very cool how you brought up the old wives’ tale about making faces. Just be glad it didn’t happen when you had your eyes crossed and two fingers pulling out the sides of your mouth saying, “I was born on a pirate ship”.
I cannot believe you were actually scored lower because you didn’t smile enough. That’s just stupid. Let’s face it…if we all walked around with a perma-smile, we’d look pretty bloody creepy.
Then again, if you were to choose to resort to the Cheshire Cat grin and sparkles – that just may be worth the effort it takes to smile. Very pleasurable I’m sure but likely only for those around you. Besides, you don’t want sparkles in your eyes – that would hurt.
You have a really great blog here and a lot of talent telling a story. I’m glad I stumbled by.
~Raida
To be fair, the job was working with kids. Either way, thanks for the kind words about the blog!