No Country for Cave Men
Later this year, director Roland Emmerich will once again show audiences another horrible, devastating way the Earth could come to an end in “2012.”
I was doomed to repeat history when I forgot it during my mid-term exam.
From “The Day After Tomorrow” to “Independence Day,” Emmerich has made a living making films that single handedly keep special effects people out of the unemployment line.
Last year, director Roland Emmerich unveiled his big-budgeted special effects hullabaloo “10,000 B.C.” In the movie, Emmerich turned his attention to ancient man’s struggle to maintain Abercrombie and Fitch good looks while being chased by saber-toothed tigers.
If Emmerich’s vision of prehistory, one where every caveboy and cavegirl has perfect teeth and speaks in modern slang, seems to spit in the face of history professors everywhere, recall that taking liberties in historical fiction is nothing new.
It wasn’t too long ago that Frederick J. Flintstone was playing hide the bone with his pet dinosaur, Dino.
During its time on the air, “The Flintstones” cared less about presenting an accurate portrayal of ancient civilizations then commenting on the trials and tribulations of the current one. The show’s writers, though, always gave whatever bit of popular culture was being lampooned a stone-age makeover.
Tony Curtis became Stony Curtis, Rock Hudson was Rock Hudstone and Perry Mason was Perry Masonary. Yes, The Flintstones sure loved their puns.
No matter how corny those gags may seem now, audiences found themselves longing for a more familiar kind of yabba-dabba-do-time when “10,000 B.C.” wound up being more like Emmerich’s “Godzilla” then his “Independence Day.”
While there was little chance that the characters of “10,000 B.C.” would be catching a viewing of “No Country for Cave Men” or voting for Barock Obamma, Emmerich did find the time to comment on current issues in between lavish CGI money shots.
Whether it’s exploring mankind’s timeless cruelty to each other, showcasing the enduring power of love or just reminding audiences that giant animals have always been scary, there are certain themes that transcend history books.
After all, if Hollywood has taught us anything about cavemen, it’s that mankind hasn’t progressed much since fire was first discovered and shortly afterwards used to ignite a fart.
Modern men have made, and will continue to make, the same mistakes that their big-browed ancestors did all those years ago.
We still feel the need to brag about our prowess by tagging on walls. We will occasionally still find ourselves outsmarted and locked out of our homes by our pet cats. And, much like the Encino Man, we will still find Pauly Shore sporadically funny.
Some mistakes we are doomed to repeat.
Bumped into your site while on the wordpress frontpage, and just wanted to say that even though I didn’t watch this movie (and don’t plan on doing so, either, especially after reading this entry), I was entertained by your writing and the witty humor in it.
Best of luck in Aggieland and life in general.
Thanks for the kind words Dan. I really appreciate it!
This one is sure to be another great hit.
I saw the movie (unfortunately) and this is a dead on review. (lol).
Roland Emmerich hasn’t had a decent movie since Independence Day. What is his obsession with the end of the world anyway?
funny stuff. well done, sir.
Thanks to everybody who wrote a comment. And for the record I actually like “Stargate” and “The Patriot” and will probably see “2012″ when it comes out — just because I’m as much a sucker for the apocalypse as Mr. Emmerich is.