The Carrying On of A Wayward Son

Before he was the Secretary of Defense, Robert Gates was Texas A&M’s university president. Although Dr. Gates was an extremely important man, he took the time out of his day on August 30, 2005 to indulge me in an immature excuse for an interview.

Robert Gates doesn't read in the bathroom. It's a waste of time, he says.

I asked him several questions that, for reasons I can no longer remember, did not run in The Battalion, Texas A&M’s student paper. They included: what he read while he was on the toilet, what his favorite racist joke was and what ninja move he would recommend for sneaking into class late. Staring back as his unblinking face as I asked him those questions was probably one of the most unsettling experiences I had at Texas A&M.

This interview originally ran in “The Battalion.”

Robert Saucedo: Do you ever use your CIA training in your day-to-day job?

Robert Gates: Every day. I use both CIA and White House training. Of course, it’s not always ninja stuff. It’s knowing how to get the right info and make informed decisions. It’s knowing when info is incomplete or biased. It’s any instance when I’m dealing with people.

RS: You’ve had your name tossed around in a Johnny Carson opening monologue. When “The Battalion” pokes fun at you, how does that make you feel?

RG: I enjoy it actually. When you’ve been skewered by “The Washington Post” and “The New York Times,” you can deal with “The Batt.”

RS: If you were a student, where would you rather live: on- or off-campus?

RG: I’d rather live on-campus. I lived on-campus all four years as an undergrad. When you’re living on-campus, you’re more of a part of campus. You get caught up in the spontaneity of campus life. You’re more likely to attend sporting events and on-campus activities. When you live at an apartment and you leave campus at four, I’m guessing it’s going to take a big deal to get you out of that apartment. Maybe not Northgate.

RS: The world is about to explode. The U.S. Government has given you an escape rocket, but you only have room to take one of the University’s colleges with you. Which school do you pick?

RG: I’d pick the College of Medicine. It would be somebody to help keep me alive.

RS: If A&M was required to pick one mascot to forevermore represent all that is Aggieland, would you pick Reveille or Old Sarge?

RG: Reveille. I think Reveille is a symbol of loyalty. I like the idea of a living, breathing mascot. Not a refugee from a zoo, though. Not someone that gets to come out a few times. And not something that is so drugged, you don’t know if it’s even alive. Not that I’m making a specific reference to anything.

RS: The President of the United States has “Hail to the Chief” as his theme song. What’s your theme song?

RG: If you give me a call and get put on hold, you’ll hear it. It’s “The War Hymn.” When journalists or business people from out east that I have to deal with get put on hold and have to sit there and listen to it, it really pumps them up.

RS: What type of movies do you enjoy?

RG: I really like action movies. I like movies that involve escape. I get enough reality in my job, so I really like disaster movies.

RS: What espionage movie has been the most true to reality?

RG: None of them. I’ve actually met (Tom) Clancy. I met him about 20 years ago and we stay in touch. I tease him about the fact that his books are fictional.

RS: What advice do you have for incoming freshmen?

RG: Study hard. We’d like to see you back.

RS: How about departing seniors?

RG: Go out and change the world. We’ve given you the tools. My message to everybody is to put down your cell phone and say howdy!