My Life as a Journalist: Part 9 — Outside Looking In
Following the blackface video scandal, I lost a lot of my motivation. It became hard for me to feel the same sort of responsibility and pride in the paper that I had been used to for the previous three years.
God bless the friends I met working at The Battalion.
The paper had changed and I was not sure I liked what it had become. More so, I no longer felt at home in the newsroom.
I was getting in more and more arguments with the EIC and other top editors — even breaking my cell phone in half out of anger during one such confrontation.
My friends were either leaving the paper or being fired and I came seriously close to quitting myself. I had typed up my letter of resignation and was prepared to bring it with me to work on Sunday when I decided to go home for the weekend and clear my head.
As I sat at the kitchen table and talked with my parents about the conflicts at the paper and the crisis of conscience I was wrestling with, I began to see a realization forming.
If I were to quit the paper now, I would be taking the easy way out. I would be giving up — admitting I was wrong. When I returned to work that Sunday, instead of a letter of resignation I submitted an application for managing editor.
Although there was a lot of support for me in the office, it was clear that it would be an uphill battle for me to become managing editor — a battle I did not make easier.
I made a lot of rash mistakes — said foolish things in emotional moments and perhaps drew a line in the sand that only further created a wedge between people. I made it clear that I was not going to be a “yes man” and I did not sugarcoat that fact.
I will not lie. In the end, when the EIC chose somebody else for the position, I was upset. With time and perspective, though, I realized they made the only choice they could.
I don’t believe it was a show of favoritism — friends picking friends. No, in the end, the EIC chose the person they could trust to watch their back. I wasn’t going to be the safety net of positive feelings the EIC was looking for, but I would have always watched the paper’s back.
The first few months after leaving The Battalion were hard. A magazine internship I had been promised fell through. Life in a real newsroom proved to be a different experience then I was used to. I realized that so much of what had made me good at my job were the people I worked with at The Batt.
I was part of a team and without the rest of the team to back me up; the job was harder and less interesting.
It was difficult to continue to read The Batt on a daily basis. The paper continued to make choices that seemed wrong. It became a good-looking paper — full of fancy graphics and flashy layout (a legacy I can’t help but feel partly responsible for), but it was loosing its substance. It seemed like a ghost of it’s former self — or maybe I was the ghost, looking in on the living and, unable to take part in the creation, left feeling cold and alienated.
The Batt, though, is in a constant state of transition. People come and go. Things get better and then they get worse again. That’s just the way a college paper operates. The Battalion will always have its guardians — people at the paper who will look out for it and nurture growth.
Working at The Batt was an honor and a privilege. I worked with some very talented people. I made some very good friends. Today is dedicated to all of you.
Thanks for everything.
I too have many fond memories of my days as a college journalist — good luck to you
[...] prolific film reviewer for my school paper. I would contribute several articles a week. Following a rather messy exit from The Battalion, though, I threw down my pen (or keyboard as it would be) and vowed to move on from my days as a [...]