Slow Children Playing
A couple of good movies came out this last month. And then there was “Aliens in the Attic.”
I am willing to eat a giant bowl of crow if "Aliens in the Attic" is actually a good movie.
To be fair, I have not yet seen the film, in which slapstick comedy ensues when a group of Disney Channel leftovers battle pint-sized extraterrestrials over the right to enjoy their summer home.
The film, staring Ashley Tisdale, could in fact be the second coming of “E.T.” but after one viewing of the movie’s trailer, which includes Doris Roberts of “Everybody Loves Raymond” putting the smack-down on a teenage boy with “Matrix” style wire work, I’m fairly certain that the movie is going to be a steaming pile of nerf herder droppings.
I’ve gotten a lot of flack from readers in the past for my cynical dismissing and more then occasional mocking of children’s movies. I’ve been told that movies such as “Beverly Hills Chihuahua” are cute and harmless and should be appreciated for what they are — a momentary diversion made for children.
To that I say: Are we, as a nation, actively trying to make our children stupid? Showing them the putrid pieces of garbage that Hollywood continuously churns out is putting today’s youth on a one-way short bus to that stool they make you sit on in school while you wear the dunce cap.
Look at me for example, I watched “Power Rangers” as a kid and I constantly find myself pulling on push doors. Imagine what acts of random stupidity today’s toddlers will find themselves committing after a childhood spent watching “Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel.” They’re going to misspell sequel, for one.
I can appreciate the need for movies designed for children. Nothing steams my pot more then walking into a hyper-violent horror movie and seeing the temporarily innocent eyes of a child staring back at me. Parents who take their child to see rated R movies before the kids are ready to process that type of content will deserve it when their child eventually steals out of their wallet before unleashing a tsunami of swear words that would put a Turrets sufferer to shame.
I totally sympathize with parents’ plight. There just aren’t enough intelligent children’s movies being released on a yearly basis. With Pixar only making one movie a year, the rest of the calendar is more often then not filled with the kind of movies you wouldn’t show a terrorist child during torture.
I can also sympathize with filmmakers. Making movies isn’t exactly shooting wolves from a plane; it takes a lot of hard work and money. With the risky nature of movie making, it’s all too all to tempting to release easy-to-market sludge like “Aliens in the Attack.”
If I had a choice between creating something intelligent and thought-provoking and releasing a series of toilet jokes that would be greeted with the approving “baaas” of the general public, I’d choose potty humor too. In fact, it’s a choice I make on a daily basis with this blog.
So what is the solution? How do we change our movie-going ways before our nation’s youth devolve into the hooting and chest-thumping primitives that are so easily mesmerized by the black, shiny obelisk that is “G-Force”?
How about handing them a book every now and then between crappy movies. It’s not a perfect solution, but maybe, just maybe some good literature can counter-act the brain-melting side effects of modern children’s movies before its too late.
This story was originally published by the Bryan/College Station Eagle. Visit them on the web at www.theeagle.com.
I personally prefer the kid’s movies that I grew up. They were entertaining and slightly disturbing, but always mesmerizing. The Dark Crystal and Labrynth both captivated me and gave me weird dreams that could have bordered on nightmares. Let’s not forget The Neverending Story, that one came with a public warning that some children might be frightened by experience of watching it at the theater. Maybe the problem is that we are coddling the kids of today at the theater and relying on them to get their true experiences of creative expression from video games instead.
I agree that you had better children’s movies then I did. Thankfully you were there during my childhood to share your movies with me so I consider your generation’s kids’ movies mine as well.