The Carrying On of A Wayward Son

The Condor (2007)

IMDB Score: 4.7 out of 10

In the early 1960s, writer Stan Lee helped create a few dozen comic book heroes that would prove to be some of the most enduring fictional characters to ever appear on the printed page. From the Fantastic Four to Spider-Man to the X-Men to the Hulk, Stan Lee was at least partly responsible for most of the building blocks of which the Marvel comic book universe is built.

He has been trying hard to replicate that success ever since.

From comic book series to web-based animated shows to even a reality TV program for the Sci-Fi Channel, Stan Lee has dabbled in numerous forms of media — all, seemingly, in the hope of lighting striking twice.

“The Condor,” an animated film that it appears Stan Lee did nothing more then produce and provide a voice for, was part of an attempt by Stan Lee’s POW Entertainment to introduce audiences to what they hoped would be the next big superhero, via direct-to-DVD cartoon.

Written by legendary comic book writer Marv Wolfman, “The Condor” isn’t too terrible a film. It’s just a bit too paint-by-numbers for my taste.

Think M.A.N.T.I.S. meets Rocket Racer

All the staples of a good comic book hero origin are here: egocentric skateboarding star looses parents to fishy car accident, has legs beaten to a pulp by extreme sport zombies, turns to nanotechnology-infused prosthetics, realizes true potential set to cheesy power-ballad and finally becomes endangered-animal-inspired superhero.

Are condors still endangered? I have to admit; I have very little knowledge of the buzzard-looking birds besides the fact that they inspired a ride at Astroworld that I remember riding as a kid.

Anyway, back to the movie.

“That ‘70s Show” star Wilmer Valderrama provides the voice for Tony Valdez a.k.a. The Condor. A masked skateboarding avenger, the Condor can save ladies from being mugged and avenge the death of his parents but he can’t seem to find the time to shave that scraggily mustache that’s growing like peach fuzz from his upper lip.

But of course The Condor has a mustache.

He is a Latino, after all.

“The Condor” is not an inherently racist film — it just managed to play into almost every stereotype about young Hispanics that exists.

There was the slang, the fact that the hero’s cousin is a gangbanger cholo and the fact that some of the character had the worst Hispanic accents since Speedy Gonzalez and Slowpoke Rodriguez.

It wasn’t just the Hispanics that got the short end of the racial sensitivity stick, either. The film’s main villains were a just as stereotypically portrayed white man and an Asian woman.

Maybe it’s not the film’s fault, though. Racial stereotypes are portrayed in films for a reason — because there is basis in truth. There wouldn’t be an animated cartoon that featured Latino clichés if so many Latino kids didn’t feel the need to feed into the clichés themselves.

I’m doing my part to put a stop to this behavior, though. I’m starting to loose my hair but I will never shave my head because I don’t want to be that stereotypically heavyset bald Hispanic.

In the end, the movie was an acceptable waste of an hour and a half. I’m not sure whom it was meant for, though. Released unrated, the film features extremely liberal use of adult language, violence and sexual situations — so it’s obviously not intended for children, the only audience who would be able to appreciate the film’s tired plot and dialogue.