The Carrying On of A Wayward Son

Troll (1986)

Rotten Tomatoes score: 33 out of 100

IMDB score: 3.5 out of 10

Maybe it’s because I’ve seen “Troll 2,” a film that defines bad moviemaking, but I just didn’t think the original “Troll” was that bad. If anything, I thought the film was a clever, if cheesy, fantasy film that’s perfect for children.

This is the troll, not Sonny Bono.

With an all-star cast of b-movie proportions that includes Sonny Bono, Anne Lockhart, Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Michael Moriarty, “Troll” is a fantasy/comedy/horror about a troll attempting to turn an apartment complex into a renascence fair nut’s wet dream.

Oh, and another thing: “Troll” features the original Harry Potter.

Yes, that’s right. Years before J.K. Rowling dreamt up her four-eyed boy wizard cash cow, Harry Potter, Jr. was saving his little sister from the evil machinations of an evil troll that had the power to turn Sonny Bono into a giant hairy pickle.

The Potter family made a poor choice when choosing what day to move into their new apartment. Before they could unpack all of their boxes, the littlest Potter, Wendy, stumbled upon the movie’s namesake.

After kidnapping Wendy and stealing her identity, the troll ninjas his way into the Potter family. When he isn’t going nuts over hamburgers and putting the smack down on his new big brother, Harry Potter, the Troll takes the time to visit all of his new neighbors and transform them into giant pulsating pickles that, when they pop, unleash a mess of foliage and fairies upon the apartment.

Soon enough, the apartment building is full of dancing, singing Muppets.

A singing, chirping mushroom is just one of many terrifying creatures that inhabit the world of "Troll."

Luckily, Harry Potter discovers an ally in his battle to rescue his sister, Eunice St. Clair, a former princess/current witch whose duty it is to put a stop to her former boyfriend, the troll.

Yes, the movie is silly and yes there is no shortage of corny, awkward laugh-inducing scenes but there is still something charming about the film. When compared to most of the live-action family movies that get released every year, “Troll” has a surplus of heart and imagination. There are some pretty decent special effects and, for small children, some real good scares.

While it may not be the “Labyrinth,” it’s also no “Troll 2.”

Plus, children of all ages can find something to learn from “Troll.”

For example, I discovered that it’s perfectly acceptable for little people to befriend small children because of their height similarity. While you may think it’s creepy that a middle-aged man would become friends with a small girl and invite her into his apartment unaccompanied, everything’s A-OK as long as they are both shorter then four feet.

Plus, apparently all little people harbor a secret dream to become elves and if they are lucky enough to befriend a small girl who is really a troll in disguise, they will have their dreams come true and be transformed into Gelfling-looking Muppets that vaguely resemble an elf version of themselves.

I also learned that Sonny Bono as a swinging bachelor is a lot more frightening to me then any number of trolls, goblins, giant bat-monsters or talking tree stumps. Julia Louis-Dreyfus makes a hot wood nymph though.