The Carrying On of A Wayward Son

This column originally ran in the Bryan/College Station Eagle (yes, around Halloween). To read more (timely) stories, visit www.theeagle.com.

While Where the Wild Things Are may not have been the safe, kid-friendly comfort food most parents were hoping for, I imagine we are going to see a lot of people dressed in Max costumes on Northgate this Halloween.

So, unless you want to be one of the dozens of people dressed in home-made wolf costumes sipping beer while trying to keep drunken college students from stealing your crown and scepter, maybe its time to think of another, slightly more original idea for a movie-inspired Halloween costume. Here are some ideas to get you started:

A Swatchman — While the party stores may be selling authentic costumes based on the superhero film Watchmen, you can save some serious cash by making your own bootleg costume. To pull it off, all you need to do is completely disrobe, hastily throw some blue paint over your body and you’re ready to hit the bar. You just better hope your superpower is outrunning the police as they chase you down University for public nudity.

Julie’s personal trainer — You are the miracle worker who kept Amy Adams looking fit and trim during her year of eating nothing but French cuisine. Costumes should come with fitness ball, jumping rope and vomit-inducing feather.

The Time Traveler’s Wife’s Lover — You’re the dude whom Rachel McAdams turns to whenever Eric Bana is tripping the time-space continuum for weeks on end.

History professor clearly upset about historical inaccuracies in Inglorious Basterds —don a tweed jacket, a look of indignation and take to Northgate, chewing off the ear of anybody unlucky to set you off about Quentin Tarantino’s lack of adherence to the history books.

Child-protective agency representative investigating odd relationship between old man who ties balloons to his house and chubby Asian boy — Recent events have proven that men who play with balloons tend not to be the most fit parental guardians.

Creepy older guy who goes to see Hanna Montana: The Movie by himself, not sensing the discomfort of the parents in the theater — Sunglasses and trench coat are to help deflect looks of disapproval from theater ushers when you buy your ticket for one.

Remake — Go as a better-dressed, flashier version of you — complete with shallow plot, trendy soundtrack and diminishing box-office returns.

Casual movie fan who keeps confusing Star Trek and Star Wars franchises — With your pointy ears, bright red robe and stun gun with lightsaber attachment, you’ll be sure to live long and follow the force. Bring an umbrella to deflect the pieces of brain when nerds’ heads explode.

Robert Saucedo hereby orders a cease-fire on Heath Ledger Joker costumes. Enough is enough. Seriously, if you’re going to go as the Joker, go as Cesar Romero. Follow Robert on Twitter @robsaucedo2500.