What’s Your Favorite Scary Movie?
This column was originally written for the Bryan/College Station Eagle. It ran in October. To read more (timely) articles, visit www.theeagle.com.
It’s October and that means it’s time for another Saw movie. This weekend, the fifth film in the ultra-violent torture-porn franchise is released in theaters — giving horror junkies an excuse to roll out of bed, shuffle past their vintage Faces of Death movie poster, pop a Monster Magnet cassette into the tape deck in their parent’s station wagon and head to the local theater in search of some blood and guts on the big screen.
The Saw movies as a whole might be an epic dissertation into the horrors of man’s soul, but I stopped watching after the second film, unable to get past the horrible acting and general misanthropic attitude — two things I got my fill of in high school.
It’s not coincidental, then, that the average audience member of a Saw film is more often then not barely able to grow peach fuzz on his chin. Unaware of the horrors of real, everyday life, the films’ teenaged disciples cling to the teachings of Jigsaw, the franchise’s murderous anti-hero, as hard as they cling to their belief that shopping at Hot Topic is edgy.
If Saw V isn’t worth the price of a ticket, though, how should those in need of a good scare get their blood pumping? Try these “horror” movies on for size.
* Requiem for a Dream — Darren Aronofsky’s adaptation of Hubert Selby Jr.’s novel of drug addiction is the perfect cure for a good day. The film, which chronicles the downfall of four different addicts, will leave audiences in need of a cold shower and a phone call from their mother. Lives are ruined and dreams shattered. Ellen Burstyn, Jared Leto and Jennifer Connelly star as people whose addiction to drugs leads to the some of the worst possible outcomes imaginable.
* Happiness — Writer/Director Todd Solondz is a sick, sick man. Watching Happiness, his anthology of depravity, is an experience akin to spending the weekend with that creepy uncle of yours who always is inviting you to wrestle him, even though all he has on is boxer shorts. Philip Seymour Hoffman, Dylan Baker and Lara Flynn Boyle star as three deviants whose lives intersect. Baker’s character, a father who also is a pedophile, in particular has some of the most cringe-worthy scenes in celluloid history. I promise nobody will be able to sit still in their seats without flinching as Baker’s character explains to his son what being a pedophile means.
* Kids — Larry Clark’s 1995 exploration into urban youth is an eye-opener guaranteed to make viewers queasy. Staring a collection of mostly authentic children actors (including then-unkown Chloe Sevigny and Rosario Dawson), the movie follows an HIV-positive teenage boy as he sets out to have sex with as many virgins as possible. Teenagers, if you thought your parents were tough before, let them watch this film and they will lock you in a dungeon until you are 33 years old.
Robert Saucedo warns those attempting a marathon of these three movies they they should stock up on hugs from teddy bears. Follow him on twitter @robsaucedo2500.
Leave a Reply