The Carrying On of A Wayward Son

This review originally ran at Inside Pulse. To read more columns, reviews and Hollywood news, visit movies.insidepulse.com.

FarCry is the latest film from Dr. Uwe Boll, one of the busiest directors working today and the undisputed king of video game-to-movie adaptations (with nearly ten movies based on video games to his name).

Now, I’ll admit up front that I’m a little afraid of Dr. Boll (hence, my referring to him as a doctor even though he has only received a doctorate in literature and is not, in fact, a medical physician).

The filmmaker is not a fan of his critics — once even challenging a few of them to a boxing match in which he put the proverbial smackdown on a collection of pudgy writers with no athletic ability. I’m a pudgy writer with no athletic ability. The man frightens me.

That said, FarCry was not that bad of a movie — honestly.

It’s not a great movie and it’s not even that good of a movie — but by the Raging Boll’s standards, it wasn’t insultingly bad.

Based on the popular 2004 first-person-shooter, the movie stars Til Schweiger (Inglorious Basterds) as Jack Carver, a former German solder who is happily retired and living as a boat captain in a small coastal community.

Meanwhile, Valerie Cardinal (played by modern-day scream queen Emmanuelle Vaugier) is a reporter hoping to uncover the dark secret of a mad doctor (Udo Kier) and the island he uses to perform experiments in genetic manipulation.

Kier, no stranger to the role of villainous sleezeball, is attempting to create the perfect super solder. Unfortunately, while he has created bulletproof skin and increased the solders’ strength, speed and endurance, he still has a little problem with being able to control his test subjects.

Naturally, action movie logic dictates that the ex-solder boat captain gets pulled into the machinations of the mad doctor through the help of the enterprising journalist’s insistence to follow the story — even into the mouth of certain danger.

From there, things go pretty much as expected. There are pithy one-liners, exploding helicopters and even a wisecracking sidekick in the form of Emlio, a chubby caterer played by Chris Coppola.

Also, look for a cameo from chief extraordinaire Anthony Bourdain.

Schweiger is not bad as an action hero. While his part in FarCry doesn’t rank up there with my favorite roll Schweiger has ever played (which would be SLC Punk‘s Mark, the crazy gun-toting rich friend of Matthew Lillard’s Stevo), the Austrian-born actor manages to be charming and charismatic — requisites of any likable action star.

Unfortunately, Schweiger’s charm isn’t enough to save the movie from its siller elements — such as genetically-modified super solders covered in white body paint that look less like Captain America and more like the human statues that clog up street corners with their panhandling.

In the end, it comes down to the fact that Uwe Boll does not stretch his talents with this film. Thanks to the cookie-cutter nature of the story, FarCry is a bland, mediocre movie that barely manages to rise above Saturday-night Syfy Channel made-for-TV movie status.