The Carrying On of A Wayward Son

I love movies. Even more so, I love talking about movies. Here are some thoughts on movies — both good and bad.

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  Wolfman's Got Nards — In which I learn about the reproductive methods of marsupial werewolves, among other important life lessons.

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  You've got an (Imaginary) Friend in Me — In which I fondly remember Cloak & Dagger, the movie that taught me a valuable lesson about not trusting imaginary friends.

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  How to Survive a Horror Movie — In which I lay down the rules for making it out of a scary movie.

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  The School of Say Anything — All I learned in life, I learned from John Cusack movies.

• A Hard Reign is Gonna Fail — Bad Australian vampire movies are still bad vampire movies.
• DVD Double Dip — Proof that movie studios are run by drug dealers in disguise.
• Your Childhood Sucked — Try not to get any tears on your trapper keepers, nerds.
• Let The Right Ones Into Your Pants — Tips for having a love life that doesn’t suck.
• Serve the Public Trust, Protect the Innocent — A tribute to the iPhone of cops.
• On the Road Again — Tips for traveling the highways and byways — courtesy of Hollywood.
• Turning Japanese — Scary stuff from the Land of the Rising Sun
• Horror Movies that Time Forgot — But that you should watch.
• Music Men — A tribute to “American Pop,” probably my favorite movie ever.
• Let Your Freak Flag Fly — Tod Browning gets freaky.
• Nic Cage Need Not Apply — Save your honey Mr. Cage, I’ll take ’70s horror movie nudity.
• The Power of Christ Compels You Not To Watch This Movie — Father, could you help an old altar boy? I’m Cat’lick.
• Death is Around the Corner — Life after death? Hollywood knows the answer.
• Thank You, Come Again — An interview with the stars of “Clerks 2.”
• Pick this Flick — Every high school’s got a Tracy Flick.
• Suffer these Children — Anybody loose a child in this city?
• Meet Puppet — What were they thinking when New Line gave the Lord of the Rings to Peter Jackson?
• Suicide is Painless — Oh Christian Slater, Where Art Thou?
• Get Your Hand Off My Joystick — Paging Dr. Boll. I have some movie ideas for you.
• Thug Life — Tips for living life the gangster way.
• How to Survive a Horror Movie: Home Invaders Edition — Home Alone? No need to fret.
• That’s a Sport — Will Ferral, the world is waiting for you to make a Battlebots movie.
• OCDVD — I may have a problem.
• Death by Music — The guitar is more powerful then the sword.
• Underwhelming Evolution — This movie is clearly not the work of intelligent design.
• I’d Like to Thank the Little People — I’m the king of the world!
• Alien loves Predator — Get a room you two!
• When Animals Attack … With A Roundhouse Kick to the Face — Beware the guinea pigs.
• Stupid Video Store Customers and the Movies They Love — In which I mock those who rent mockbusters
• How I Spent My Summer Vacation (At the Movies) — Tips from Hollywood for making the most of your holidays.
• The Greatest Remake Ever Told — Have a got a story about you. It starts in a garden and there’s this snake…
• Future Shock — What horrible world awaits us the day after tomorrow?
• It’s a bird. It’s a plane. It’s a comic book movie! — Super heroes. Can’t live with them. Can’t kill them unless you have kryptonite.
• No Country for Cave Men — Ba-rock Obama approves this blog.
• Isn’t Racism ‘Gran’? — Clint Eastwood: A man I am very scared of.
• That Evil Son of a Witch — Harry Potter will burn in hell.
• Slow Children Playing — Stupid children’s movies make for stupid kids.
• It Came from the Toy Story — Coming soon: Jenga: The Motion Picture.
• A Year of Bad Movies: A Prelude — Setting the stage.
• A Year of Bad Movies: The Rules — Laying down the law.
• A Year of Bad Movies # 1 — “AVP: Alien vs Predator”
• A Year of Bad Movies # 2 — “Impulse”
• A Year of Bad Movies # 3 — “Halloween 2″
• A Year of Bad Movies # 4 — “The Final Destination”
• A Year of Bad Movies # 5 — “Bad Moon”
• A Year of Bad Movies # 6 — “The Butterfly Effect”
• A Year of Bad Movies # 7 — “Whiteout”
• A Year of Bad Movies # 8 — “Supervan”
• A Year of Bad Movies # 9 — “Chesty Anderson, USN”
• A Year of Bad Movies # 10 — “My Name is Bruce”
• A Year of Bad Movies # 11 — “Eight Days a Week”
• A Year of Bad Movies # 12 — “Romeo and Juliet: Sealed with a Kiss”
• A Year of Bad Movies # 13 — “Ace Ventura: Pet Detective Jr.”
• A Year of Bad Movies # 14 — “Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed”
• A Year of Bad Movies # 15 — “Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus”
• A Year of Bad Movies # 16 — “Surrogates”
• A Year of Bad Movies # 17 — “Transmorphers”
• A Year of Bad Movies # 18 — “Jennifer’s Body”
• A Year of Bad Movies # 19 — “18-Year-Old Virgin”
• A Year of Bad Movies # 20 — “Fame”
• A Year of Bad Movies # 21 — “I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell”
• A Year of Bad Movies # 22 — “They Live”
• A Year of Bad Movies # 23 — “National Lampoon’s Lost Reality”
• A Year of Bad Movies # 24 — “Howling: New Moon Rising”
• A Year of Bad Movies # 25 — “Ultrachrist!”
• A Year of Bad Movies # 26 — “The Feral Man”
• A Year of Bad Movies # 27 — “Mulva: Zombie Ass Kicker”
• A Year of Bad Movies # 28 — “The Condor”
• A Year of Bad Movies # 29 — “Mulva 2: Kill Teen Ape!”
• A Year of Bad Movies # 30 — “Couples Retreat”
• A Year of Bad Movies # 31 — “Girlfriends”
• A Year of Bad Movies # 32 — “Oliver and Company”
• A Year of Bad Movies # 33 — “Orange County”
• A Year of Bad Movies # 34 — “Reno 911!: Miami”
• A Year of Bad Movies # 35 — “Big Trouble”
• A Year of Bad Movies # 36 — “Dumpster Baby”
• A Year of Bad Movies # 37 — “Troll”
• A Year of Bad Movies # 38 — “Elf Bowling The Movie: The Great North Pole Elf Strike”
• A Year of Bad Movies # 39 — “Troll 2″
• A Year of Bad Movies # 40 — “Labyrinth”
• A Year of Bad Movies: A Failure — Admitting defeat.
• “Happenstance” — A terrible review of a great film
• Stake a claim — A look at vampires in film … including the worst monster of them all, The Count.
• Never Trust a Robot — Proof that the only good robot is a dead one.
• Remember “The Alamo”? — We may not be the biggest state, but we have the best history.
• All I learned from life, I learned from bad horror movies — Tips to a successful, zombie free life.
• Mini-Review: Hanna D.: The Girl from Vendel Park — 1001 places to hide drugs!
• ‘Snap’ into a good werewolf movie — A straight-to-DVD sequel that doesn’t suck… imagine that.
• How much is that rat in the window? — Advice for potential pet owners from a movie nerd.
• Buddy, have I got a holiday movie for you — Dog gone it! Why can’t they make good Christmas movies?
• Dawn of the Dillweeds — Tips for good hiding spots during the zombie armageddon.
• My Favorite Films of 2009 — ‘Nuff Said.
• My Favorite Films of the Last Decade — Exactly what it sounds like
• Hanks Stars in A-maze-ingly Bad Movie — Death by 12-sided dice!
• All in ‘The Manson Family’ — Helter Skelter, indeed.
• On The Wings Of An Angel — He’ll be Walken all over your dead body.
• The Marine, Too – He’s also a marine … and in just as bad of a movie.
• I, For One, Welcome Our New Overlords — Xenu, take me home!
• Because It’s Never Too Late for Halloween — Or is it never too early?
• Peter Krause has the key to my heart — in a totally straight way
• My Favorite Animated Films of the Last Decade — Another day, another list
• What’s Your Favorite Scary Movie? — Tales of true horror.
• Time to Find a New Dream — Political Satire for Dummies.
• An Open Letter to Texas A&M and Quentin Tarantino — Please team-up.
• Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid — Why people love horror movies
• Paging Dr. Boll — FarCry from a good movie
• Death by Nun — Nunsplotation at its finest
• When Kids Ruled the World — Bugsy Malone, a musical worth watching
• Return to Me, Oh Universal Solder — So bad, it’s actually good
• Living Dead Girl — Japan has the worst luck when it comes to monsters
• SXSW Film ’10 Preview — Kick-Ass
• SXSW Film ‘10 Preview — Barry Munday
• Salute Your Shorts — In which my man-crush on Robert Rodriguez is revealed
• Baker’s ‘Dozen’ offers little laughs — “Cheaper by the Dozen 2″ no way to spend your time
• Now What? — Post Grad review
• Iron Man Finds Fountain of Youth — Review of Armored Adventures TV show
• ‘Old Dogs’: Sit, Stay, Won’t Shut Up — Review of Disney “comedy”
• Time for a Crime — Review of Spanish time travel thriller, Timecrimes
• SXSW Film ’10 — Al My Friends Are Funeral Singers
• SXSW Film ’10 — Dogtooth
• SXSW Film ’10 — The Loved Ones
• SXSW Film ’10 — Trash Humpers
• SXSW Film ’10 — Beijing Taxi
• SXSW Film ’10 — The Ride
• SXSW Film ’10 — Erasing David
• SXSW Film ’10 — Strange Powers: Stephin Merritt and the Magnetic Fields
• SXSW Film ‘10 — 11/4/08
• SXSW Film ‘10 — Le Donk & Scor-zay-zee
• SXSW Film ’10 — No Crossover: The Trial of Allen Iverson
• SXSW Film ’10 — Crying with Laughter
• SXSW Film ’10 — MacGruber
• SXSW Film ’10 — Google Baby
• SXSW Film ’10 — Serbian Film
• Bad Movies Done Right — Possession
• SXSW Film ‘10 — Iron Crows
• SXSW Film ’10 — Like a Pascha
• SXSW Film ‘10 — NY Export: Opus Jazz
• SXSW Film ’10 Preview — Taqwacore: The Birth of Punk Islam
• SXSW Film ’10 — Jimmy Tupper vs. The Goatman of Bowie
• Jackie Earle Haley’s Your Boyfriend Now — Review of the Nightmare on Elm Street remake
• Bad Movies Done Right – High Plains Invaders
• Bad Movies Done Right — Cat’s Eye

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  Scott Pilgrim vs. The World — Perhaps the definitive movie of the ’00s.