Cheaper by the Dozen 2

There is no doubt in my mind that I could have gone my entire life without having seen Cheaper by the Dozen 2 and I would be none the worse off for it.

In fact, truth be told, up until a few weeks ago, I had completely forgotten that there was a sequel released to the 2003 Steve Martin comedy. More so, I only have vague memories of the original film.

But enough about how forgettable Martin’s film repertoire has been of late. I could spend 1,000 words poking fun at a man for whose work I still have fond, if obscured, memories for. Doing so, though, would break my heart.

Originally released in 2005, Cheaper by the Dozen 2 has recently been released on Blu-ray (odd, considering the fact that the original Cheaper by the Dozen is still exclusive to DVD).

For those who may have similar shaped holes in their memory when it comes to the Cheaper by the Dozen saga, the films follow the Baker family, a clan 15 members strong (including 12 kids and one son-in-law). As patriarch Tom Baker, Steve Martin and his wife Kate (Bonnie Hunt) must wrangle children who range in ages from early childhood to young adult. Among the actors who constitute the child side of the Baker clan are Piper Perabo, Tom Welling and Hilary Duff.

When Tom begins to feel his family drifting apart, he plots one last hurrah as a complete unit and books a summer vacation at a lake house for the entire family.

Once at the house, though, Tom encounters an old rival (Eugene Levy) who has done well for himself as of late and, spurred by mutual jealousy, the two pick up old habits again — prompting a war of the families.

Levy plays Jimmy Murtaugh, the father figure of a 10-member family unit including a trophy wife played by Carmen Electra, a daughter played by Jaime King and a son played by future wolfboy Taylor Lautner.

From there, the movie follows a pretty straight path towards mediocrity. The director, Adam Shankman (a man who is dangerously close to being labeled a hack) follows a strict recipe when it comes to crafting standard family friendly fair. There are pratfalls, cute animals, even cuter kids and plenty of parental/child conflict to last a very tedious ninety-plus minutes.

If you’ve seen one of Steve Martin’s family movies of the ‘00s, you’ve got the general gist for what to expect from Cheaper by the Dozen 2.

The large cast of actors trudge through their scenes — the younger kids obviously having a blast while the older actors let the occasional look of world-weariness and necessity for a paycheck slip through their masks.

As I patiently stared at the screen and waited for the movie to end, I couldn’t help but wonder who exactly would want to watch this movie?

Even my mom, a woman notorious for her taste for terrible films, would grow weary of Cheaper by the Dozen 2 by the halfway mark. The problem with the film is that it lies in that nebulous zone between bad movies and bad movies so bad they become good once again.

Not even enjoyable for its spectacular awfulness, Cheaper by the Dozen 2 is just pure and simple fluff — as forgettable as it is uninviting.

While the image may look nice on Blu-ray, 1080p resolution can’t turn a bad movie into anything but. For those mysterious audience members who demanded the film come to Blu-ray, though, Fox has delivered a few special features to wrap upon this turd sandwich up in a tapeworm bow.

Showing this to an old person to distract them from the thought that one day soon they will die is the only reason I can imagine why someone would put this movie into their Blu-ray player.

An audio commentary from the director and a trio of featurettes should provide a few more hours of subterfuge for Grandma.

Robert Saucedo is full of subterfuge when it comes to dealing with grandparents. Follow him on Twitter @robsaucedo2500.

IMDB score: 7.8 out of 10

Rotten Tomatoes score: 33 out of 100

Metacritic score: 30 out of 100

“The Butterfly Effect” blew my mind when I first saw it my freshman year of college. A series of escalating tragedies and shocking imagery centered on a novel portrayal of time travel, even Ashton Kutcher’s overblown acting couldn’t ruin the impact the film had on me.

How awkward is the conversation where you tell a girl she used to go to college but is now doing tricks because you messed with time travel.

The film stared Kutcher as Evan, a young man who discovers he has the ability to mentally time travel, transporting his brain into younger versions of his body. Using this newfound ability, Evan attempts to play God, changing the past in hopes of a better future. As time travel logic dictates, though, Evan’s attempts at fudging around with time travel lead to disastrous results.

A life-long fan of time travel movies, I was taken in by the film’s unflinching portrayal of reality gone amuck due to muddling around with the time-space continuum. The depiction of random acts of pet arson, pedophilia, child-on-child violence and sitcom star paraplegia in a mainstream film shocked me enough that I instantly respected the movie.

Watching the movie again five years later, tough, I’m disappointed to find that the film did not age well.

What was shocking back then, unfortunately now comes off as kind of silly. Viewing the film with my nitpickers firmly attached, I was distracted by huge plot holes and disparities in film logic.

Time travel films are made and broken by their adherence to the rules they set forth in depicting time travel. I don’t care if you’re traveling back in time via glowing balls, sucking vortexes or Victorian steampunk machines, if you set a rule in your film regarding time travel you had better stick to it.

Time travel movies such as “The Butterfly Effect” can teach us a lot about life and keeping promises. Much like time travel movies can hit a brick wall if they don’t stick to their proverbial guns, an unsteady grasp on our own principals can lead us into a path as perilous as depicted in the film. Without strong morals and an ability to stand behind them, you too may find yourself minus a couple of arms and wheelchair bound because you thought it would be fun to blow up a mailbox with a stick of dynamite.

The other thing I learned from re-watching “The Butterfly Effect” was that while you should always stick to your principals, you don’t necessarily need to stick to your race.

When the filmmakers needed a Hispanic to play a gangbanging religious prisoner in “The Butterfly Effect” did they turn to any number of talented working Latino actors?

No, they hired Kevin Durand, a Caucasian Canadian, slapped some tanning solution on his skin and told him to don a borderline offensive accent.

And you know what? It worked.

Kevin Durand, a man of a thousand races.

Recipe for a vato: wife beater, beanie and mustache.

When I first saw the film five years ago, I had no idea that “Carlos,” Ashton Kutcher’s prison cellmate wasn’t really a Hispanic. Durand did a mighty fine job of adopting another race.

So remember, stick to your guns but don’t be afraid to slap on some blackface if you’ve always really wanted to be a brother.

This story was originally published in "The Bryan/College Station Eagle"

Let us not forget, though, the truth behind films such as “Harry Potter.” And that truth, my friends, is that witchcraft kills.

Sure modern witches and wizards would like you to believe that they are nothing more then harmless nature loving hippies who are more keen to stock up on tofu and hemp clothing then eye of newt or wart of toad, but the truth of the matter is history is speckled long and deep with stories of death by magic.

Film, humanity’s most reliable source of information about our past since cave drawings, offers up a full lineup of undisputable proof that witches are as evil as their noses are crooked. From “The Wizard of Oz” to “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs,” cinema has long shined the light on magical malpractice.

So, if the showing of “Harry Potter” that you wanted to see was sold out, why not stay at home and watch one of these other witchcraft-steeped films. Don’t enjoy yourself, though. Instead, use your time to take notes on how to defeat those evil sons of witches.

The Witches (1990)

Angelica Huston has seen better days.

It doesn’t take much to make Angelica Huston scary. The power and proclivity to turn young boys into rodents goes a long way, though. “The Witches,” an adaptation of Roald Dahl’s classic children’s story is one of the scariest movies made for children ever produced.

When a young boy stumbles upon a witches’ convention, he takes it upon himself to save the day and defeat the magical mistresses. The stakes are high (the witches are plotting to rid the world of all children) and the dangers are deep, but a true hero never gives up — even when he’s been turned into a rat.

The film makes note of several ways to tell if you are dealing with a witch, among them: baldness, deformed hands and square stubbed feet. Next time you see a balding, arthritic woman with square tipped shoes, don’t be afraid to knock her down and sprinkle her with holy water. The boys-turned-rats of the world will thank you.

The Craft (1996)

Hot girls using magic is one of the internet's top fetish searches.

Staring Robin Tunney, Fairuza Balk, Neve Campbell and Skeet Ulrich, “The Craft” features the torrid tale of teenage witches gone bad.

From petty spells designed to make rivals’ hair fall out to the unbridled audacity to levitate pencils in class, these witches are out of control. When they invoke the Great Spirit Manon and unleash an untold evil upon the world, it’s up to the purest of the witches (which is like being the least white of the polar bears) to stop the others and reign supreme in a battle of the magicks.

A clichéd teen horror movie in every way, “The Craft” features hot girls engaging in supernatural cat fights — so essentially, it’s like the perfect movie for subscribers to Maxim Magazine.

I was doomed to repeat history when I forgot it during my mid-term exam.

From “The Day After Tomorrow” to “Independence Day,” Emmerich has made a living making films that single handedly keep special effects people out of the unemployment line.

Last year, director Roland Emmerich unveiled his big-budgeted special effects hullabaloo “10,000 B.C.” In the movie, Emmerich turned his attention to ancient man’s struggle to maintain Abercrombie and Fitch good looks while being chased by saber-toothed tigers.

If Emmerich’s vision of prehistory, one where every caveboy and cavegirl has perfect teeth and speaks in modern slang, seems to spit in the face of history professors everywhere, recall that taking liberties in historical fiction is nothing new.

It wasn’t too long ago that Frederick J. Flintstone was playing hide the bone with his pet dinosaur, Dino.

During its time on the air, “The Flintstones” cared less about presenting an accurate portrayal of ancient civilizations then commenting on the trials and tribulations of the current one. The show’s writers, though, always gave whatever bit of popular culture was being lampooned a stone-age makeover.

Tony Curtis became Stony Curtis, Rock Hudson was Rock Hudstone and Perry Mason was Perry Masonary. Yes, The Flintstones sure loved their puns.

No matter how corny those gags may seem now, audiences found themselves longing for a more familiar kind of yabba-dabba-do-time when “10,000 B.C.” wound up being more like Emmerich’s “Godzilla” then his “Independence Day.”

While there was little chance that the characters of “10,000 B.C.” would be catching a viewing of “No Country for Cave Men” or voting for Barock Obamma, Emmerich did find the time to comment on current issues in between lavish CGI money shots.

Whether it’s exploring mankind’s timeless cruelty to each other, showcasing the enduring power of love or just reminding audiences that giant animals have always been scary, there are certain themes that transcend history books.

After all, if Hollywood has taught us anything about cavemen, it’s that mankind hasn’t progressed much since fire was first discovered and shortly afterwards used to ignite a fart.

Modern men have made, and will continue to make, the same mistakes that their big-browed ancestors did all those years ago.

We still feel the need to brag about our prowess by tagging on walls. We will occasionally still find ourselves outsmarted and locked out of our homes by our pet cats. And, much like the Encino Man, we will still find Pauly Shore sporadically funny.

Some mistakes we are doomed to repeat.

“Judge Dredd” – 1995

He's Judge, Judy and Executioner.

Tagline: “In the future, one man is the law.”

Who wears the spandex: Sylvester Stallone

What’s it about: Based on the British comic book character who first appeared in the anthology “2000 A.D.,” “Judge Dredd” takes place in a dystopian future where America has become a handful of “mega-cities” that guard humanity against the horrors of the wastelands surrounding them.  Law and order is kept by militaristic Judges who act as police, jury, and executioner. Of all the Judges, the most feared and respected is Judge Dredd (Stallone).  After being convicted of a crime he didn’t commit, Dredd finds himself on the run from the law along with a criminal he helped convict, Fergie (Rob Schneider).

Key Moment: After surviving a plane crash in the wasteland that is America, Dredd and Fergie are captured by the Angel family – a cave dwelling clan of cyborg cannibals.  Fergie’s attempts to appeal to their Christian nature, leads him to be added to their menu.

Comic Book Geek Alert: “In the comic book series, part of the mystique surrounding Dredd is that he is never seen without his helmet, and if he does take it off, only his back or the lower part of his face is shown, BUT NEVER HIS ENTIRE FACE!!!!!!!!! Sure, the movie wasn’t all that, but Stallone should have known better. That’s like Spider-man doing his thing without the mask… in public!!!!!!! Are there any other 2000AD/Judge Dredd fans that agree with me?????”  ~ unclechuckf from imdb.com’s movie forum

Memorable Quote: “Emotions… there ought to be a law against them.” ~ Judge Dredd

Should you Watch It: “Judge Dredd” is a fun popcorn flick that makes for an entertaining Saturday afternoon viewing.  If you’re bored and in the mood for a little senseless Stallone action/adventure, you can’t go wrong with “Judge Dredd.” Just remember to check your brain at the door.

“Mystery Men” – 1999

The only reason to hate this movie is for unleashing the blight that is Smash Mouth's song "All Star."

Tagline: “This summer expect the unexpected.”

Who wears the spandex: Ben Stiller, Janeane Garofalo, William H. Macy, Greg Kinnear and Paul Reubens.

What’s it about: Based on the Dark Horse superhero team, “Mystery Men” features a band of misfits who are given an opportunity to become the heroes they aspire to be when Champion City’s resident superhero, Captain Amazing (Kinnear) is kidnapped by supervillian Casanova Frankenstein (Geoffrey Rush).  Among the team’s members is the always-upset Mr. Furious (Stiller), The Shoveller (Macy) who can shovel better then any mortal man, the bowling ball wielding Bowler (Garofalo) and Invisible Boy (Kel Mitchell) who can only become invisible when no one is looking.

Key Moment: While attempting to bulk up their team, the Mystery Men hold an audition for superheroes.  Among the contestants are PMS Avenger (she only works four days a month) and the Waffler with his griddle of justice and low-fat truth syrup.

Comic Book Geek Alert: “What was done in Mystery Men was not an easy achievement and will be absolutely overlooked as being great by anyone but those who have “collected” comic books.” ~ Tomstrange from imdb.com’s movie forum

Memorable Quote: “We’ve got a blind date with Destiny – and it looks like she’s ordered the lobster.” ~ The Shoveller

Should you Watch It: You bet! With a great ensemble cast and highly quotable one-liners “Mystery Men” succeeds in offering an entertaining look at the losers of the super-hero world.  With each viewing, the film’s silliness will grow on you until the film becomes a guilty pleasure that you’ll find yourself coming back to over and over again.

“Archie: To Riverdale and Back Again” – 1990

I've always been a Betty guy myself.

Who wears the spandex (so to speak): Christopher Rich

What’s it about: John L. Goldwater’s classic comic characters are brought to life in this made for TV movie.  Archie (Rich), Betty (Lauren Holly), Veronica (Karen Kopins), Jughead (Sam Whipple) and the rest of the gang gather for a high school reunion.  Now adults off in the “real world,” the “pals and gals” have grown apart from each other.  Archie is now a lawyer and engaged, Betty is a schoolteacher, Jughead has become a psychiatrist with his own emotional problems, Veronica’s still a socialite snob and Reggie is about to tear down Pop’s – the gang’s old hangout.  Together Archie and the gang must work together to save their childhood memories and finally answer the age-old question: “Blonde or Brunette?”

Key Moment: The film climatic scene involves Jughead Jones and his son performing a rap remix of The Archies’ “Sugar Sugar”.  That’s right… let it sink in for a bit.

Comic Book Geek Alert: “I have been an Archie fan since I was very young. I love the comic books, but I don’t love this movie. This movie sucked because Jughead shouldn’t be a shrink, the teenage Jughead we all know does not give a damn about other people! Yeah, he was an excellent friend to Archie, but Jughead isn’t the type to refrain from eating cheeseburgers’ all day and listen to pathetic problems. Puh-lease, who made this movie?” ~ Chantalle from imdb.com’s movie forum

Memorable Quote: “I have a fiancée” ~ Archie

           “Don’t worry, I’ve had thirteen.” ~ Veronica

Should you Watch It: Unless you are prone to masochistic behavior, stay far away from this video. Poorly acted melodrama does not suit the corny antics of Archie Andrews and his friends. If you are a fan of Archie, watching Betty and Veronica try to seduce an engaged Archie in the bedroom of a seedy motel will leave you feeling very dirty indeed.

You can stop shouting Mr. Heston. I realize Soylent Green is people. It just tastes too darn good to stop eating.

From as long as films have captured the wonder of mankind’s imagination, there have been movies that have asked the question that’s on everybody’s mind: “What if all this goes away?”

From plagues to meteors to zombies, the end of the world is a much-used plot point in cinema such as in “I Am Legend,” a vision of a world whose sole occupant is the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.

An adaptation of Richard Matheson’s 1954 science-fiction novel of the same name, the movie details a possible future where society as we know it has been destroyed by a viral outbreak. Robert Neville is a lone survivor who spends his days reflecting on his loneliness and his nights killing his former neighbors and friends.

While a Sylvia Plath book may be a more uplifting, feel-good-hit then Matheson’s novel, “I am Legend” has actually been made into four films, including Smith’s latest endeavor.

In 1964, Vincent Price starred in “The Last Man on Earth.” Matheson himself wrote the screenplay but had his name removed when he saw the final product.

Charlton Heston, a perennial favorite of dystopian futures (“Soylent Green,” “The Planet of the Apes”) starred in the 1971 film “The Omega Man,” an adaptation that tossed aside some of the novel’s more fantastical aspects and replaced them with a good helping of ‘70s funk.

Most likely deciding to cash in on the Will Smith blockbuster, a straight-to-video adaptation of Matheson’s work was also recently released. Marc Dacascos stars in to oh-so-cleverly named film “I am Omega.”

As college students begin to wind down their summer fun and get ready for school again, it may seem like the end of the world. Why not have a marathon of films about dystopian futures to celebrate your own future lack of fun. After watching Charlton Heston contend with cloak-clad mutants, maybe professors and tests won’t seem so frightening.

Here are two other films that will make the perfect appetizer to an apocalypse.

Wizards (1977)

Ralph Bakshi wrote and directed this animated film about a future overrun by magic. The balance between good and evil in this world is tipped when a dark wizard uncovers World War II technology and introduces orcs to fascism. If you’ve ever hankered to see goose-stepping goblins, this sword and swastika epic is a must-watch. While the film’s indulgent use of rotoscoping, an animation technique in which footage is drawn over and turned into a cartoon, can be distracting, the film has a certain charm that will have basement dwellers ready to set aside their D&D dice aside for a few minutes.

Teenage Caveman (2002)

When Larry Clark, the acclaimed director of Kids, updated this classic Roger Corman movie, he did it for a niche audience: fans of soft-core porn and science fiction. Teenage Cavemen is the story of a group of kids who live in a world where civilization is in ruins and humans have reverted into Neanderthals. Running away from home, the teens discover the remains of a city and, inside, learn the joys of sex, drugs and rock and roll. Life isn’t a sockhop, though, because the teenage cavemen have more to worry about then selling insurance. They find themselves stalked by mutant predators who want to infect them with their radioactive semen. And who said there’s nothing of quality on TV anymore?

Kate Beckensale: an actress so hot it’s upsetting.

It’s becoming apparent that monster movies are evolving into a new genre. While once audiences watched the latest creature feature in the hopes of being frightened, today’s theatergoers want action – and a lot of it. Devoid of any true scares, Underworld: Evolution is the cinematic equivalent of a Saturday morning cartoon bender. A mixture of sugary-sweet action and plot conveniences, the sequel to 2003’s supernatural smackdown is a pleasantly moronic movie-going experience.

Kate Beckinsale reteams with writer/director husband Len Wiseman to continue the adventures of Selene, a rouge vampire caught in the midst of a war between vampires and werewolves.

Joining her is Michael Corvin (Scott Speedman) a vampire/werewolf hybrid who represents each clan’s next evolutionary step. Together, the two are on the run from both armies after slaying each fraction’s leaders in the first film.

As the sequel opens, dangling plot threads are explored when Marcus (Tony Curran), the original vampire, is reawakened. Looking to rebuild his lineage, Marcus seeks Selene, the key to locating his long-lost twin brother.  Newcomers to the franchise may find it difficult to piece together the different characters and their motivations as concepts are quickly introduced and then skimmed over in favor of unrelenting action.

While the film’s plot is standard Hollywood fluff, Underworld: Evolution excels in its use of special effects, animatronics and explosive action scenes.

Never distracting, computer graphics are blended with make-up and prosthetics to create the film’s monsters. Marcus’ costume is a wonderful achievement, looking like a cross between the star of Wes Craven’s Wishmaster and a spider. Resembling a Rick Baker creation, the film’s werewolves are a mixture of CGI and animatronics figures.

From the film’s opening prologue featuring a medieval battle between the warring monstrosities, audiences are quickly assured that they are in for a blood-soaked hullabaloo. The film offers carnage-crazed adrenaline junkies a handful of money shots – each gorier then the last. When I saw the film in the theater, several male audience members audibly cheered during the gruesome deaths showcased in the film’s finale.

Underworld: Evolution is a field trip through the excess. Those who remembered to bring their permission slips will be treated to a lengthy sex scene that borders on soft-core and enough ammunition to send Charlton Heston into a daze. Underworld: Evolution is, quite frankly, bigger and meatier then any previous supernatural action film. But is it better?

Much like eating a nice big bowl of cereal, watching Evolution may go down good and it will certainly leave a sweat aftertaste, but after a few hours to digest, audiences will be left feeling the effects of a slight sugar headache. The film’s plot offers nothing substantial and merely serves as dressing for the explosive action salad. The plot is as thin as a slice of single cheese, with enough holes to be considered Swiss. Convenience seems to be the film’s main ingredient and in a movie where the heroine never seems to be without significant ammo and nighttime seems to last a lifetime, logic is passed over in favor of a large heaping of nonsense biscuits.

The film’s acting ranges from the subdued to the superfluous. While the actors need not worry about winning a Razzie (the film will surely have been forgotten by then), they are also in no danger of being complimented. With everything but action seemingly phoned in, Underworld: Evolution is a great way to pass the time while cleaning your guns.

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Will Ferrell loves him some athletics.

Fostering a filmography that looks more like a gym class lesson plan, Ferrell has already endeared himself to the ESPN crowd with films such as the NACAR-themed Talladega Nights (brief aside: can any activity where the main challenge is turning left actually be considered a sport?) and Blades of Glory.

Last year (when this column was originally published) Semi-Pro was releaseded in theaters, further cementing Will Ferrell’s monopoly on sports-themed comedies — a monopoly that can only be challenged by Air Bud. Ferrell’s films are just the tip of the iceberg that is recent sports comedies. While sports movies have always had a strong presence in Hollywood, the genre’s recent excess has driven writers to mine some pretty strange arenas in search for original ideas.

In the past few years, we’ve seen movies based on ping-pong, dodgeball, Mexican wrestling and competitive beer drinking. While it may seem as if there are no more sports left to laugh at, there is no need to fret. As long as there is dead-air to fill on ESPN, there will always be new sports to be invented. Here are a few sports just waiting to be made into a Will Ferrell movie.

Freeze Tag

Almost everybody remembers playing freeze tag on the playground. Those that don’t remember playing the game, remember crying when they were told by the popular kids that they couldn’t play because they smelled funny. Freeze tag, for those either smelly or out of the loop, is a variation of tag, a game that involves a person or persons who are “it” and must “tag” other players. In freeze tag, players who have been tagged must remain frozen until they are freed by another member of their team. While there has not been a movie that deals specifically with the competitive world of freeze tag, the game of tag can be seen as a basis for countless horror movies where instead of somebody being “it,” they are a masked killer with a machete and instead of “tagging” players, they brutally slaughter people in some ironic way.

Combat Robots

As our country gets more and more obese, we will begin to rely more on building things to do our sports for us. Robot combat, a gladiator-style death match between two or more man-operated machines, has been made famous by such late-night shows such as Battlebots and Robot Wars. In a typical match, glorified RC cars are pitted against each other in a game of “who can destroy each other’s hard work first.” These are no ordinary robots, though. They have been outfitted with blades, buzz saws, pinchers and battering rams. While some may find it entertaining to watch machines poke each other with sharp implements, this is worst possible thing for humanity to be participating in. Strapping weapons on a vacuum cleaner brings us that much closer to SkyNet’s rise to power. When battlebot designers find themselves being turned into a battery by their toaster oven, I just hope they enjoyed their little hobby.

Live-Action Role-Playing

If there is any group training to be future defenders against a machine uprising, its live-action role-players, or LARPers for short. A LARPer is a rare-breed of warrior who wages war in the battlefield of their imagination. Constructing weaponry and armor from ingredients that can be bought at Hobby Lobby, these weekend warriors adopt the make-believe persona of fantasy figures — using what Mr. Roger taught them to turn city parks into a battle for Middle-Earth. Using a fairly complex point system that I have neither the space to explain nor the inclination to pretend to understand, LARPers strike each other with fake swords, maces and other hand-crafted weapons in a cross between fencing and Cowboys and Indians. For an engrossing movie on the subject, check out Darkon, a documentary that explores two rival LARPers.

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Student body elections can bring out the worse in people.

Lying, cheating and stealing are all stepping stones to a successful campaign, as shown in director Alexander Payne’s first mainstream success, Election.

Matthew Broderick and Reese Witherspoon star in this smart, edgy satire of governmental campaigning and high school politics. Based on a novel by Tom Perrotta, Election artfully captures the dark underbelly of high school drama that lies behind the innocent eyes of the youth.

Jim McAllister (Matthew Broderick) has been teaching history at Carver High School for most of his adult life. He has settled for a life of mediocrity, living vicariously through the dreams and aspirations of his students. It is this need for vicarious drama that entangles him in the political warpath Tracy Flick (Reese Witherspoon) has set out on. Tracy, an ambitious student with dreams of presidential power, is determined to be Carver High’s latest student body president. Something about Tracy rubs Jim the wrong way.  Maybe it’s her bossy, unctuous personality. Or it could be the fact that Jim’s best friend, a fellow teacher, had his life ruined after having an affair with young Tracy. For whatever reason, Jim sees all his forgotten personal potential personified through Tracy Flick’s upward flight. Desperate to see Tracy not have her final victory, Jim enlists the help of Paul Metzler (Chris Klein), a stereotypically dumb jock with a big heart, to run against Tracy in the student body president election.

In recent years, Payne has become the go-to-guy for directing quality, character-based films. Election took a handful of endearing actors and created some truly memorable characters whose intersecting dreams and ambitions sent them spiraling into each other’s lives. Broderick has never been better as Jim McAllister. Perfectly channeling the memories of high school teachers past, Broderick creates a complex picture of ambiguous morality. He truly cares about his students’ lives but is also willing to destroy the ambitions of one overtly eager beaver. He denounces his friend for cheating on his wife with a student, but finds himself desperately pining for the excitement of an extramarital affair. Jim begs for audiences’ sympathies, but does nothing to earn them.

Reese Witherspoon found herself returning to high school for Election. Despite being in her early 20s at the time of filming, Witherspoon managed to capture all the insecurities and self-importance that alternatively swims through high school students’ heads. Her desperate striving to win an election for what is basically a figurehead position is a stark reminder of other, real life world leaders’ ambitions.

Tracy Flick never set out to be the film’s protagonist. It’s all too easy to blame the moral lows she dives to on her mother’s extreme pressuring. Instead, Payne and Witherspoon create a character who walks the line between self-righteousness and humble servitude – qualities present in all political leaders.

A good film will take aspects of reality, warp them for entertainment and pass them back onto audiences in a smart introspective journey through the human soul.

Election was perhaps ahead of its time. Satirical writing and black comedy prevented it from becoming the runaway teen box office smash. These same qualities though, helped it achieve cult film status that few films achieve.

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You had me at Ron Pearlman.

In 1995’s The City of Lost Children, or La Cité des Enfants Perdus as the film is known in its native France, directors Marc Caro and Jean-Pierre Jeunet create a fog-soaked fairy tale that will entice even the most xenophobic of casual filmgoers.

Ron Pearlman stars as One, a circus strongman in search of his missing brother, Denree, a tiny tyke with an unquenchable appetite. As he is joined in his quest by a street-wise pre-teen hustler named Miette, One discovers that his sibling is just one of many children being stolen by a cycloptian cult working under a misguided misanthrope named Krank, a evil genus who seeks to steal the dreams of children in order to compensate for his own inability to produce dreams.

Ron Pearlman has made a career out of playing the strong silent type and his portrayal as One, an Russian ex-whaler turned Neanderthal-like strongman plays to his strengths. With sparse dialog available, Pearlman creates a believably lovable character using only his physical acting skills. As One searches for his little brother, he finds a new little sister in his precocious partner, Miette. What begins as a child’s sympathy for a seemingly dull-witted strongman evolves into an unparalleled adoration for this he-man with a heart of gold. The two share many a touching moment as the bond between the seemingly mismatched pair grows.

Directors Jeunet and Caro excel at taking film clichés and crafting them into unique character nuances. For example, the school teacher who uses students to commit petty street crime has become a common archetype amongst Dickens-esque storytellers. But instead of a common Fagin-like character for their film, Jeunet and Caro create The Octopus, a pair of sisters joined at the foot – literally. As the twins stumble through life with their one oversized shoe, minor character actions bring to life their unusual existence. A scene in which the pair prepares a meal especially highlights the actress’s ability to synchronize movements and bring fluidity to their combined actions. The details that went into their performance help sell audiences on the often larger then life situations. Little actions like when one twin inhales a cigarette the other exhales the smoke adds to the overall picture without drawing attention to the often bizarre ingredients.

The film’s most bizarre moments are courtesy of Daniel Emilfork’s portrayal of Krank, a scientist born from a test tube. Due to an unfortunate genetic quark, Krank is unable to dream. This inability eventually ages him prematurely, leaving him an ancient bitter husk. Assisting Krank is a collection of clone brothers. While they lack the inability to dream, they suffer from a fondness for foolishness and a need to prove themselves as the “original.” The brothers are all played by Jean-Pierre Jeunet-mainstay Dominique Pinon.

The film, which defies classification yet flirts between science fiction and fantasy, manages to balance an array of wildly inventive ideas claustrophobically crammed into a 112-minute package with a sprawling imagination that bulldozes through any pre-conceived notions.

The hardest part of watching the film is choosing when to read the subtitles and when to gawk in amazement at the amazing visuals. The film’s unwillingness to explain the science behind the gothic steam punk inspired inventions utilized by the diverse cast of characters adds to the enveloping nature of the film. Instead of being hindered by lengthy exposition, the filmmakers chose to let the character’s action speak for themselves. Motivations and back stories are presented organically as characters interact with each other and their environment. Nobody is who they seem to be in this Carroll-esque rabbit hole of fantasy.

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