FarCry is the latest film from Dr. Uwe Boll, one of the busiest directors working today and the undisputed king of video game-to-movie adaptations (with nearly ten movies based on video games to his name).

Now, I’ll admit up front that I’m a little afraid of Dr. Boll (hence, my referring to him as a doctor even though he has only received a doctorate in literature and is not, in fact, a medical physician).

The filmmaker is not a fan of his critics — once even challenging a few of them to a boxing match in which he put the proverbial smackdown on a collection of pudgy writers with no athletic ability. I’m a pudgy writer with no athletic ability. The man frightens me.

That said, FarCry was not that bad of a movie — honestly.

It’s not a great movie and it’s not even that good of a movie — but by the Raging Boll’s standards, it wasn’t insultingly bad.

Based on the popular 2004 first-person-shooter, the movie stars Til Schweiger (Inglorious Basterds) as Jack Carver, a former German solder who is happily retired and living as a boat captain in a small coastal community.

Meanwhile, Valerie Cardinal (played by modern-day scream queen Emmanuelle Vaugier) is a reporter hoping to uncover the dark secret of a mad doctor (Udo Kier) and the island he uses to perform experiments in genetic manipulation.

Kier, no stranger to the role of villainous sleezeball, is attempting to create the perfect super solder. Unfortunately, while he has created bulletproof skin and increased the solders’ strength, speed and endurance, he still has a little problem with being able to control his test subjects.

Naturally, action movie logic dictates that the ex-solder boat captain gets pulled into the machinations of the mad doctor through the help of the enterprising journalist’s insistence to follow the story — even into the mouth of certain danger.

From there, things go pretty much as expected. There are pithy one-liners, exploding helicopters and even a wisecracking sidekick in the form of Emlio, a chubby caterer played by Chris Coppola.

Also, look for a cameo from chief extraordinaire Anthony Bourdain.

Schweiger is not bad as an action hero. While his part in FarCry doesn’t rank up there with my favorite roll Schweiger has ever played (which would be SLC Punk‘s Mark, the crazy gun-toting rich friend of Matthew Lillard’s Stevo), the Austrian-born actor manages to be charming and charismatic — requisites of any likable action star.

Unfortunately, Schweiger’s charm isn’t enough to save the movie from its siller elements — such as genetically-modified super solders covered in white body paint that look less like Captain America and more like the human statues that clog up street corners with their panhandling.

In the end, it comes down to the fact that Uwe Boll does not stretch his talents with this film. Thanks to the cookie-cutter nature of the story, FarCry is a bland, mediocre movie that barely manages to rise above Saturday-night Syfy Channel made-for-TV movie status.

This weekend, Quentin Tarantino gives history books a giant raspberry with his new World War II film, Inglorious Basterds.

Calling the Brad Pitt-starring film about a band of Jewish-American solders on a path of destruction through Nazi-occupied France historically inaccurate is like saying The Flintstones fudged a few details about prehistory.

With his film, Tarantino has made a darkly comic fantasy that plays fast and loose with historical details — focusing more on the iconography of the war than on minor details such as how it actually ended. That being said, the film is a suspenseful, action-packed ride that almost always is a whole lot of fun.

What I came away with the most after watching the film, though, is the impression that if Hollywood ever decides to make a movie based on the life and legend of Texas A&M mascot Old Sarge, Brad Pitt is the perfect choice.

As Lt. Aldo Raine in Inglorious Basterds, Pitt is a tight-jawed, wily hillbilly who comes off as a cross between Popeye the Sailor and John Wayne. With his raspy pronunciation of Nazi as “naazee,” his dexterous use of a terrifyingly long knife and his steely-eyed calmness when faced with certain torture by a German psychopath, Pitt proves he has the chops to play every Aggie’s favorite mascot with the mutant chin.

And why shouldn’t Old Sarge get his own movie? Texas A&M is long overdue for another shot at Hollywood stardom. Sure, we have a World War II movie of our own, but anyone who has ever seen We’ve Never Been Licked will have to admit that it’s about as believable as Inglorious Basterds.

We need a movie that’s fresh and will appeal to the ever-growing number of disenfranchised youth. We need something that celebrates the iconography of Texas A&M’s long-held traditions while not being afraid to dip its toes into the waters of blatant commercialization, pop culture trends and other proven recipes for success. In other words, we need Quentin Tarantino’s version of a Texas A&M film.

Well, maybe not QT’s specific vision of our — we might have a hard time recruiting tomorrow’s youth with a film in which a co-ed college cutie uses a Corps of Cadets saber to slice and dice her way through 88 domino mask-wearing agriculture students while a pop song from the ’70s plays ironically over the carnage.

On the other hand, that doesn’t sound like such a bad idea for a film.

We need something hip — you know, for the kids. I propose a talking-animal film. From Babe the pig to that duck from the Aflac commercials, everybody loves a talking animal. Luckily, we have an animal who’s just waiting to be given a voice: the first lady of Texas A&M, Reveille.

Imagine a movie staring Robert Pattinson as a cocky young Corps of Cadets member who hates dogs. In an ironic twist of fate, he finds himself the mascot corporal and is forced to take care of the sassy socialite herself, Reveille. As the semester progresses, the cadet begins to bond with his new charge, discovering in the process a little something about himself and the school he attends. It’s Turner and Hooch meets Taps.

Who would voice Reveille? In the interest of Texas A&M’s commitment toward diversity, I’ve got my fingers crossed for Rosie Perez.

* Robert Saucedo isn’t in the prisoner-taking business, he’s in the Nazi-killing business. And cousin, business is a-boomin’. Follow him at Twitter @robsaucedo2500.

While Where the Wild Things Are may not have been the safe, kid-friendly comfort food most parents were hoping for, I imagine we are going to see a lot of people dressed in Max costumes on Northgate this Halloween.

So, unless you want to be one of the dozens of people dressed in home-made wolf costumes sipping beer while trying to keep drunken college students from stealing your crown and scepter, maybe its time to think of another, slightly more original idea for a movie-inspired Halloween costume. Here are some ideas to get you started:

A Swatchman — While the party stores may be selling authentic costumes based on the superhero film Watchmen, you can save some serious cash by making your own bootleg costume. To pull it off, all you need to do is completely disrobe, hastily throw some blue paint over your body and you’re ready to hit the bar. You just better hope your superpower is outrunning the police as they chase you down University for public nudity.

Julie’s personal trainer — You are the miracle worker who kept Amy Adams looking fit and trim during her year of eating nothing but French cuisine. Costumes should come with fitness ball, jumping rope and vomit-inducing feather.

The Time Traveler’s Wife’s Lover — You’re the dude whom Rachel McAdams turns to whenever Eric Bana is tripping the time-space continuum for weeks on end.

History professor clearly upset about historical inaccuracies in Inglorious Basterds —don a tweed jacket, a look of indignation and take to Northgate, chewing off the ear of anybody unlucky to set you off about Quentin Tarantino’s lack of adherence to the history books.

Child-protective agency representative investigating odd relationship between old man who ties balloons to his house and chubby Asian boy — Recent events have proven that men who play with balloons tend not to be the most fit parental guardians.

Creepy older guy who goes to see Hanna Montana: The Movie by himself, not sensing the discomfort of the parents in the theater — Sunglasses and trench coat are to help deflect looks of disapproval from theater ushers when you buy your ticket for one.

Remake — Go as a better-dressed, flashier version of you — complete with shallow plot, trendy soundtrack and diminishing box-office returns.

Casual movie fan who keeps confusing Star Trek and Star Wars franchises — With your pointy ears, bright red robe and stun gun with lightsaber attachment, you’ll be sure to live long and follow the force. Bring an umbrella to deflect the pieces of brain when nerds’ heads explode.

Robert Saucedo hereby orders a cease-fire on Heath Ledger Joker costumes. Enough is enough. Seriously, if you’re going to go as the Joker, go as Cesar Romero. Follow Robert on Twitter @robsaucedo2500.

Call me crazy, but I dug the films that 2009 gave us.

It may not have been a perfect year and not every movie I went to see in the theaters or rented from Netflix was a winner — but over all I was entertained.

And isn’t that what movies are supposed to do?

This is most certainly not a list of the best films of 2009 — despite what the title might say. It’s a list of my favorite films. And yes, there is a difference. While I might have appreciated the hell out of movies like Precious or The Hut Locker and a film like Star Trek managed to do the impossible and actually make me care about the crew of the U.S.S. Enterprise — these are the films that caused the biggest emotional reaction in me as I left the theater.

These are the movies that still resonate in my mind however many days or months it’s been since I first saw them.

They might not all be perfect films — each have their own faults — but they are movies that I love and probably will still love ten years from now.

Films that just barely missed being on the list include Inglorious Basterds, Precious, Star Trek, The Hangover and G-Force. Just kidding about that last one.

Boy was it hard to make this list — hopefully, though, it will inspire you to go and check out some of the films on the list you may have missed.

10. Sons of a Gun

This documentary by Rivkah Beth Medow and Greg O’Toole took me by surprise in a way that few documentaries do.

The story of three grown men who suffer from schizophrenia and their caregiver, an alcoholic abusive man named Larry, Sons of a Gun managed to keep me guessing and constantly reevaluating my assumptions.

As I watched the movie, I found myself drawn into the life of the subjects — a dysfunctional makeshift family of outcasts that have banded together inside of a cramped motel room as they await eviction.

Larry, the elderly man who serves as caregiver to Lance, Craig and Ubaldo, is one of the most complex characters ever caught on film. His three grown wards think of him as if he was their real father yet he treats them like human garbage at times — berating them for things out of their control.

This is not one of those well-polished Hollywood documentaries that get churned out come award-season — this is a hardscrabble look at real people with problems not easily solved.

I, for one, can’t wait until this film sees more prominent distribution so I can share it with as many of my friends as possible.

9. Drag Me To Hell

Sam Raimi’s return to form is like visiting an old childhood friend. Watching Drag Me To Hell, I was overcome with warm memories of growing up on the Evil Dead films. Evil gypsies, dancing demons and possessed livestock — this movie had everything I look for in a horror flick.

Alison Lohman and Justin Long were both great in the film but for me the real star was Lorna Raver as Sylvia Ganush, the gypsy who has a hard time with rejection.

Drag Me to Hell was a great bloody way to spend an afternoon and I’m finally once again looking forward to whatever comes next from Sam Raimi’s bag of tricks.

8. Humpday

I felt like such a noob when I discovered Mark Duplass this year.

After watching both Humpday and True Adolescents, I was convinced I had uncovered the next great comedic talent in Duplass only to discover that he was already a star of the mumblecore genre — a genre I am admittedly not yet well versed in yet.

Humpday is a great semi-scripted film about two straight male friends who, because of a healthy dose of macho posturing, decide to have sex with each other as part of a “make-your-own-porn” contest.

Believable characters and an interesting story helped carry this film to my list of favorites. Joshua Leonard co-stars as Andrew, the carefree soul who breezes into town to shake up the life of Ben (Duplass).

I still haven’t seen the show The League, a series about fantasy football that Duplass stars in, but because of Humpday, you can be assured that when the first season’s DVD is released it will go to the front of my Netflix queue.

7. My Suicide

There have been a lot of movies that have been released lately that utilize the whole found footage/YouTube culture to cultivate of a sense of hipness or “in-the-know.”

My Suicide is a how-to guide for successfully pulling it off.

Gabriel Sunday is going to be big. Take my word for it.

Sunday star in, wrote, produced, edited and was an assistant editor on the film — a coming-of-age story about Archibald Holden Buster Williams, a social misfit who proclaims one day during class that he is going to kill himself on camera as part of a homework assignment.

Shot entirely with footage that could have been shot and edited on a home computer by Archibald, the movie uses everything from animation to musical numbers to become the ultimate YouTube video — perfect for creating the story about a kid from today’s generation of youth.

Mariel Hemingway, Nora Dunn, Tony Hale and Joe Mantegna co-star. David Carradine, a casualty of the great celebrity rapture of 2009, also makes a memorable appearance as Vargas, a moody writer of somber fiction.

6. Best Worst Movie

I can’t say much more about the film then what I already wrote here.

Suffice to say, Best Worst Movie was my favorite documentary of the last year because of the sheer love of the subject matter, the terrible film Troll 2, that shines through every minute of the film.

An exhaustive look at a movie that probably doesn’t deserve such treatment, Best Worst Movie is a whole lot of fun — regardless of whether or not you’ve seen the terrible movie in question.

5. Observe and Report

I feel sorry for Seth Rogen. Now that he’s found a lot of success with his films, he’s beginning to experience a sort of backlash from those who, I guess, think he’s achieved too much in too short of time.

Well, as long as he keeps making movies like Observe and Report, he can have as much success as humanely possible — he deserves it.

The product of the twisted mind of Jody Hill, Observe and Report is one messed up film. Seriously. Playing more like Taxi Driver then Knocked Up, the film is an exploration into the lonely life of a mall security guard.

I’m not going to lie — the reason I like the film so much was because of the fact that Rogen’s character, Ronnie Barnhardt reminded me a lot of a childhood friend of mine. It was scary — almost as if they had followed my friend around and filmed his life.

But that’s testament to the skills of the filmmakers — that they can take such a seemingly outlandish character like a violent sociopathic mall cop and create a believable personality.

Expect to see this film grow in cult status over the next ten years.

4. District 9

Neill Blomkamp would have made an amazing Halo movie. Unfortunately, that project fell apart. Fortunately, he made District 9 instead.

Is it a social allegory or a violent space monster movie? How about both?

Shartlo Copley does an amazing job as Wikus Van De Merwe, a neebish pencil pusher who finds himself way over his head when he begins doing his best impression of the Brundle-Fly.

Amazing special effects, an outstanding story and pacing that keeps audiences on the edge of their seats — District 9 is a winner through and through.

3. Fantastic Mr. Fox

I’ve always been a Wes Anderson apologist — I’ve unabashedly loved every single one of his movies.

Fantastic Mr. Fox, his first foray into animation, is my favorite animated movie of the year.

Staring the voices of George Clooney, Meryl Streep and, in an amazing performance, Jason Schwartzman, the film is a continuation of the same themes that seem to run through all of Anderson’s film — conflicts between father and son, the desire for the unreachable and the fact that Bill Murray can do no wrong.

The animation, a charming throw back to retro stop-motion television specials, perfectly sells the timeless nature of the film. I can’t recommend this film enough.

2. (500) Days of Summer

I know for a fact that if I had seen this movie when I was a lovelorn high school kid, (500) Days of Summer would have been my favorite movie of all time. As it stands, it’s my second favorite film of the year.

Marc Webb takes an amazing script from Scott Neustadter and Michael H. Weber to create a lovely story about the dissolution of a love story. Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel are perfectly cast as two people who aren’t right for each other — as much as Tom Hansen (Gordon-Levitt) might wish for the opposite.

It was a great movie and one that only gets better every time I watch it. Seriously. It’s out on video right now. What are you waiting for. Stop reading this column and go and watch it.

1. Avatar

Well, if you’re still reading that must mean you’ve either already seen (500) Days of Summer or are just willfully ignorant. Either way, you’ve probably already seen Avatar. At this point — who hasn’t.

It’s not a pefect movie but boy, oh boy, it’s a movie in every sense of the word. Truly epic, unrelentingly poignant and impressively impressive, the movie is the theater-going event of the year. Avatar (do I even need to summarize the plot) is awe-inspiring, soul tugging and it makes sweet, sweet love to your eyeballs for almost three hours. There’s really not much more to say except the fact that I can’t wait to see it again.